Avant garde, no?

I Dream Of Zucchini.
An action packed review.

This incredibly informative and often vitamin packed entertainment extravaganza, which was recently released into the innocent public by the sadistic sharks at CBS, is just the thing for any couch potato who is growing tired of shows like, "My Favorite Mashed Potato," and "The Beany Bunch."
The show revolves around the life of a down-on-his-luck single astronaut who one day comes home to find his apartment has been trashed by an unruly band of International Pillow Quiduncs. He knows this as their bodies are slumped over his favorite chair.  A quick inspection reveals the cause of death:  Food from his refrigerator had been eaten.  Sure enough, when our favorite "astronaught" checks his pristine fridge, he finds it bare, but for a single zucchini.
Alas, tonight was the night that our "astronot" had invited his boss to dinner, in a vain attempt to win the upcoming promotion.  In a fit of despair he grabs the zucchini and is about to throw it when a obtuse feeling comes over him.  He begins to rub the zucchini, and rub it, and rub it, until the funny feeling goes away.  When he looks up, however, he finds that there is another zucchini, a giant one, dressed in a sarong, standing before him, who then announces that she is now his servant until someone else rubs the zucchini.  Suddenly the doorbell rings,  a quick peek through the curtains reveals our "ass-tronaut's" zaftig boss waiting outside.
"Quick!" exclaims our astronaut, "get rid of those cushion bandits!"
"Badabiftyboo," says the zuchinni calmly, "it is done."
"Cepat," shouts our astronaut calling on his Bahasa Indonesia skills, "Clean up that apartment!"
"Badaboomitybittywooga," mutters the zuchinni calmly, "itu sudah."
"GOGOGO!" screams our astronaut, "Get dinner ready!"
"Bijibijicathamandog," catcalls the zuchinni calmly, "it is done."
And sure enough, there was a zuchinni pie sitting on the table.  Our astronaut then sinks into his chair into relief.  But only for a few seconds.  "THE BOSS!!! I left him outside!!!" he screams as he runs towards the door, and after some brief explaining, the boss is soon scarfing down pie like there's no tomorrow. 
"Now why did you call me over here, then?" asks the boss through a mouth full of pie.
"Actually," says our astronaut subtly, "I wanted to talk about that upcoming promotion."
"Oh yes," says the boss blindly, "Promise you won't tell anyone though-"
"Okay," says our astronaut eagerly.
"I've decided to give the promotion to-"
"ME?"
"You?  Why would I give the promotion to you.  You're hopeless, the last time you were given any responsibility, you crashed the space shuttle!  You won't get a promotion while I'm alive!"
Unfortunately, there is enough space for the boss to eat his words after all that pie, as a few seconds later he dies because of a zuchinni allergy, and therefore everyone in the company moves up one place on the corporate ladder, giving our astronaut the promotion.
So if you want to watch the further adventures of an astronaut and his zuchinni, put down roots in front of TV, 7pm Fridays on CBS, to watch this folate-filled feature.