For years, people have been talking of aliens that are coming to take over our planet. They will come in hordes, they say, they will destroy us, they say, we will have no hope when they come, they say. Well, I have news for you, pessimistic sky watchers, everywhere. The terror is already here. Right now, millions of aliens are swarming the Earth. They may be at your school, at your office, even in your house.
THERE IS NO HOPE!!!
The Little Sisters Have Arrived!!!
That's right, the alien threat is alive and well in your own house.
Baby pictures, all forged. Little pink baby clothes, knitted on some alien planet.
But wait, you say, my parents would know if my little sister was an alien.
To Hell with That piece of Hope! Your parents live in constant fear of the alien menace. Did you ever wonder why your little sister never gets in trouble? This is why!!!
But, what can I, just your average joe schmoe, do? You say. To aid you in your little sister destroying we give you:
THE HANDY-DANDY LITTLE SISTER SURVIVAL INSTRUCTIONS.
Disconnecting her communications to the mother ship.
This is one of the most important things to do to get rid of the alien menace.
To disconnect her communications, simply pull all the heads off her barbie dolls and melt them or destroy them in some other way.
You see, the head of a barbie doll is actually a telecommunications device. Didn't you ever think why she got so bloody pissed at you when you pulled them off?
If your little sister is past the first stage of growth: Childhood, and they have become a teenager, worry not. The communication device has not been moved very far. Now you must smash all her mirrors, destroy all her makeup, and - this is the most important one- take her bra and give it to the nerdy kids at her school. This will destroy it for sure.
OH GEE! You say. My little sister isn't a teenager or a child! She's an adult. Don't worry. Just borrow her mobile phone and drop it on the ground. That's right. They hide their telecommunications devices inside telecommunications devices! Cunning little buggers aren't they
PART 2 coming soon.
For now, if your little sister is coming - hide. She may know what you've been reading.
Lt. Kam Seksenheimer