I woke up at around 3am to the sound of my ringing telephone.
Me: (sleepily, of course) Hell---hello?
Orville: You goddamn ratfucker! What the fuck have you been telling people about me?
Me: (increasingly less sleepy, but sleepy nevertheless) What? Orville is that you?
Orville: (in a whiny little girly voice, as if to imply that I was a whiny little girl - a complete fallacy!) Orville? Is that you? You fucking hack. I've just spent the last seven hours in a fucking holding cell, you fucking fuckwit!
Me: Man, I don't know what you're talking about.
Orville: Don't bullshit me, you catholic bastard! I've read your little dreamjournal! I'm coming to Warragul!
Me: No, you're not! You stay away from this place, you crazy goon! Your kind isn't welcome here! These rednecks hate you! They'll tear you apart like a fucking I don't know something that only tears with a lot of effort!
Then I slammed the phone down. Then I picked it up and pressed the little button to end the call.