Avant garde, no?

Well, well, well.

Well.

Well, well.

Well, well, well, well.

Didn't the Diamond Jubilee celebrations just bring the trolls out of their troll caves!

Here I thought we were living in a SOCIETY, but apparently we are not. We are living in an anarchic Mad Max world where Mel Gibson ranting reigns supreme, toxic barbs roaming the post-Apocalyptic wastelands of Broken Hill in search of petrol and people to cyber-bully.

I thought I'd flick on the Diamond Jubilee telecast last night. Like everyone, I am as much a fan of the Royal Family as the next man. Who is the next man? I don't know, but he is dressed all up in bunting and jodhpurs so I would say he is quite keen.

It was, as the kids like to say around the pog table, a fascinating broadcast.

"This is quite fascinating," I said to my common law wife Barbara, but she had fallen asleep. It was quite understandable - she'd had a long day working the spindle to weave the thread for our ironic guernsey range, Gurning Guernseys, in which we knit photos of people gurning into guernseys. Indeed, it had tired me out just supervising her. I woke her up to make me a hot cup of tea, but it was only when she was gone that I realised my folly. I had just wanted someone to discuss the Jubilee with - and now I was all alone!

And that's when I remembered - Fango, the app for fans of television. I pointed my smartphone at the Fango QR code in the latest edition of Apps Monthly, and loaded it up.

"This is fascinating," I texted at DrKarlsBootyCall69.

"Do you have a big stethoscope," DKBC69 texted back.

Perhaps Fango, the app for fans of television, was not the appropriate venue for my Jubilee discussions. It is, after all, not an app for fans of Jubilees - an event that transcends mere television.

"What do you think, darling?" I called out to Barbara.

"Uhhhhgghhh," she moaned from the kitchen floor. I gave up. She is no use when she gets like that.

And that's when I remembered! Twitter! A place for like-minded souls to take to the cyberwaves and let the world know "WHAT'S HAPPENING?"

Big mistake.

"Who is this fucking leech sucking at the public teat like some sort of half vampire/half piglet/half leech? Even as she has her decadent fill the government is making cuts and implementing austerity measures. Where are the austerity measures for this inbred bunch of born-to-rule freaks in their literal ivory towers?" one person probably tweeted.

Woah! That's a bit rough. Do these cybersnarkers not understand that the Queen probably has feelings too, deep in her reptilian hindbrain?

Let's try and raise the tone, okay.

Navigation: First - Previous - Next - Last - Archive - Random