Avant garde, no?

Oh, hello there, gentle reader!

As you might be aware, I am very popular on the micro-blogging service Twitter. Twitter was formerly known as twttr as it was invented sometime in the 1970s before vowels were invented.

At time of writing, I have 1341 followers (or fllwrs) including my two most recent: Ken Sumsion, a candidate in the current cutthroat Utah gubernatorial contest, and Getz Equipment Innovators, who have been in the Illinois fire protection business since 1957. On top of this, of course, is the silent majority who I assume read my tweets (or twts) through BBSes, Usenet and tape swapping.

Regular readers know that my politics fall somewhere precisely directly between Centre Left and Centre Right - Pure Centrism. The advantage of this is that I am always right about everything. The disadvantage is that it means I am often being attacked by Loony Lefties and Ridiculous Rightos.

The following is a transcript of a bizarre exchange I had with a local neo-con called @nrcars - Nick Carson to his mates. Nicholas Carson to his mum probably, if he's not done his chores or whatnot. As you read, you might think that he must be joking: Nobody could possibly believe that the world works as he thinks it does. This is the sort of madness that non-Pure Centrists actually believe.

It all started when I posted the following observation about Prime Minister Julia Gillard and her Carbon Dioxide Tax. For international readers unfamiliar with Julia Gillard, imagine if Mao Tse-tung was a ginger lady who could pull off a pantsuit - both in the sense of being mighty stylin' but also in the sense of being able to rip it off in one go to reveal a sequined number underneath that she uses to dazzle the Opposition as she turns Question Time into a disco inferno.

This should not be difficult imagination for any student of history who has seen the seminal documentary about Chairman Mao's rise to power: Mulan.

Following my observation, @nrcars took issue with my accurate characterisation of the Carbon Dioxide Tax.

Anyway, the exchange:

Me: What's the difference between Julia Gillard and a toaster? A toaster isn't a godless unmarried harlot who taxes the very air we breathe.

Carson: The ALP is taxing pollution, not air. Sheesh.

Me: Um, it's a tax on carbon dioxide? The stuff we breathe, idiot.

Carson: We breathe mostly oxygen & nitrogen. Greenhouse gasses incl carbon dioxide, methane, nitrous oxide, ozone, etc. b/c of coal, people in LaTrobe Valley are 7 times more likely to get cancer. A carbon price is a step cloeser to cleaner air.

Me: So you're advocating nuclear?

Carson: No. #Nuclear is horribly dangerous & polluting in a far more insidious way that takes generations to clean & store.

Me: So what are you suggesting? Some sort of uranium based power source?

Carson: The best sources of energy in Australia are free; solar, wind. #renewables

Me: Newslash: the wind is made out of greenhouse gases.

Carson: It's not the elements carried in the wind that generate energy, the movement of air itself carries enormous kinetic energy.

Me: what do xboxes have to do with it?

Carson: Nothing. & nothing can beat the immense energy available from wind & solar. We can harness it too! #renewables

Me: Harness it? So you want us riding around on horses and carts?

Carson: No, horses don't need electricity to power them. Massive cities need solar & wind energy to power them.

Me: what about the power for the factories where they build the horses, yutzknuckle?

Carson: Horses aren't built, they're bred. What's your point? If you want to talk to me msg me.

Me: wtf? You're off the planet, mate. Are you getting this stuff out of some weird neo-con handbook?


That's where the exchange ends. I assume he has been spooked by my guess that he was using official Liberal Party talking points sent down from HQ.

Look, I'm no fan of our current Stalinist government, but if these are the sort of cracked beliefs that the Opposition is promoting, I'm not sure I want any part of it.

My vote, for now, will remain with the only Pure Centrist political organisation, the Natural Law Party.

Navigation: First - Previous - Next - Last - Archive - Random