I had a dream. It was a few seconds ago.
I had no pants on. This is a recurring dream. I am wearing a long shirt but I am walking around with no pants. It is a BIT AWKWARD, but luckily nobody ever seems to call me out on it. For a while I wander around this hotel in which every room is completely open and with clothes just sitting about, looking for some pants, but I cannot find any. Ridiculous!
I suspect that this is inspired by the fact that I need to buy some new pants.
Having no luck in the hotel, I decide to try my luck in the market - surely there would be pants for sale there!
Well, you would think so. There are shotguns for sale. There are kimonos for sale. There are cut-price Laserdisc and Blu-Ray movies for sale.
The market is beginning to close, and I come to the realisation that I have been wandering around without pants for ages and nobody has given a hoot, so I may as well give up. I start to walk home, when SUDDENLY....
SOMEONE TRIES TO TAKE MY WALLET OUT OF MY POCKET!
I catch them in the act, and I throw them to the ground and start punching them. I am having a good old punch when it occurs to me that if I was going to be such a bad pickpocket, I would have somebody else on hand to pick the pocket while I was on the ground getting punched. I stop that person too, but they run away before any punching can be done.
The police arrive - a big, moustachioued Man-Cop and a more petite, moustachioued Lady-Cop - but they start preparing to arrest ME.
Even though I am just a worm (oh yeah, I turned into a tiny little worm for this bit) this offends my sensibilities as a PATRIOT who was just trying to protect Aussies from getting ripped off. A single tear starts to emerge from my little worm face.
"Hahaha," laughs the senior officer, "the worm is having a little cry."
But it's that little cry the breaks the Worm Curse and turns me back into Captain Wizzbang.
"Oh, sorry Captain Wizzbang, we didn't know it was you!" whimpers the Man-Cop.
It's too late. He has been turned into a worm himself.
I walk away into the sunset.
"I don't know if I can take your orders seriously anymore," says the Lady-Cop.
"You're just so teeny-tiny."
AND THEN I WOKE UP.