Hello, gentle reader! It is me here, Dr. Cam! Dr. Cam, your friendly neighborhood film reviewing man.
Today we are reviewing the film Tenderness, starring Jon Foster and Sophie Traub and also Russell Crowe.
Okay, so I went to see this movie at the Westgarth cinema in Northcote with @ndy Slackbastard and our friend Joseph Scaravetti and Joseph Scaravetti's girlfriend. I got there about ten minutes before the film was due to start and I wasn't sure if I was supposed to meet @ndy Slackbastard and our friend Joseph Scaravetti and Joseph Scaravetti's girlfriend out the front of the cinema or what, but the mystery was quickly solved because as I was walking along I spotted Joseph Scaravetti in the window and he saw me outside the window so he came out and was like, "Hey Cam, how are you going?"
I said something like, "I'm fine, how are you?"
Then I put my cigarette out on the side of the bin in front of the cinema and threw the butt into the bin. Once I was inside it was a lot warmer than it was outside (oh yeah, I probably should have mentioned that it was quite brisk outside) and @ndy Slackbastard was like, "Hey Cam, how are you going?" and I said, "I'm fine, how are you?"
He was well.
Then I bought my ticket to Tenderness ($10) and also a bottle of water, because I was a bit thirsty. In terms of cinema snacks, I had a pack of chewing gum (not bubble gum) that I bought at the service station earlier in the evening. When I went in to buy it, the guy behind the counter was like, "I haven't seen you in here lately" like I was some kind of regular? I thought, "Man, that is creepy that you are keeping track of my movements, service station man" but what I actually said was, "Oh, I've been away. In the country." WHICH WAS A LIE.
Anyway, the only reason I bring up cinema snacks is because I wish I bought some popcorn. That way I could have sprinkled some sort of cyanide powder over it and DIED. That is how bad this movie was.
Okay, maybe it wasn't that bad.
So we get up to the room in which the film is screening and there is a bit of hepping and trepping while @ndy finds the perfect seat. Eventually he does, and we all sit down. Then we talk about the last movie we all saw at the cinema - for Scaravetti and his girlfriend it was Knowing, starring Nicolas Cage. For Slackbastard and me it was Watchmen. It is agreed that while Watchmen was pretty good, Knowing was awful.
Then Scaravetti asks me if I want to see Star Trek with him and he starts talking about how Janeway is his favourite captain.
Finally the movie starts and it is creepy as fuck. Also, it is somewhat derivative of the fantastic 1996 Mark Wahlberg film Fear. It even has a scene on a rollercoaster. That is lazy as, am I right?
About halfway through the movie the seat was feeling a bit uncomfortable, but I got used to it. After the film we all agreed the film wasn't that great. I said it was creepy as fuck, and everyone agreed with that too.
It was good to get consensus on this issue.