Dandy Andy Slackbastard called me up today, crying. He was sobbing, gentle reader, he was wailing.
He was crying and sobbing and wailing, and you know what else, gentle reader? He might feel just like a woman, but he cries, sobs and wails just like a little girl.
On account of I called him a liar, he said, but I think in actual fact it was on account of he knew it was the dead-set troof that he only won our Scrabble tournament through the exercising of deceit.
Anyway, today I have mainly been thinking about what would happen if this bogan scumbag I know called Dave were to become Mufti of Australia. He'd be all re-interpreting Quranic passages to allow his brothers and sisters in Islam to drink tinnies and then he'd be like, "Oh dudes, we should declare jihad on the infidels at Centrelink and then we should basically crash on Dr. Cam's couch for a week."
Yeah, I am writing about you, Dave. What of it? This has basically consumed ALL of my thought processes. How would Dave become Mufti? Would there be a King Ralph style situation (slightly genocidal in this case) or did he just fill in the wrong form? All like, where's my Newstart allowance? And they're like, Muftis don't get Newstart.
He would be so angry. How can I afford all of this smack if I don't have my Newstart.
They would say, sir, please calm down.