I woke up about 1 minute ago. I just had a dream that I was holidaying in QUEENSLAND w/ my photographer friend (a kiwi) but it was not a gay thing or nothing, we were just taking in some sun.
So, we're up in Queensland, and we're on the tram looking for somewhere to stay so we're on the tram but it goes past Fed Square and around onto the St Kilda Esplanade. Anyway, we find this joint. It has a couple of rooms, and a bar/restaurant. There is also a cute girl there.
Anyway, days pass, and a relationship based around witty banter and whatnot forms, v. rom-com. Also, shortly before the following occurs, it becomes clear to me, via the photographic medium, that this cute girl is pre-op trans. Which is to say that she had a wang. A possible alternative was that she was hermaphrodite... the picture was not entirely clear.
So, one thing leads to another, and we end up lying, clothed, on my bed at this hostel place. None of the one things that led to another involved kissing.
So, there we are, lying, and it is becoming increasingly clear from the thing I can feel poking into my back that this girl is interested, and while that is not typically my thing, I figured what the heck.
You only live once, right. So, things are about to get a bit funkalicious up in here but I figure it would be a good idea if I ask something like, "Are you clean?"
And they say, "No." And then they came out with some nonsense about only being 'really' infective when the weather is hot, and I'm thinkin', "Um, we're in Queensland, Fed Square notwithstanding."
So, I call a halt to all sexy shenanigans - or shesexigans (or hesexigans). She is not happy with this rejection. I kind of get the impression that maybe I have limited choice in the matter.
This makes me uncomfortable, so I do this thing where I jump up and run out into the bar. As I make my hasty escape, she throws something after me. It misses.
Then she follows me out into the bar, still throwing shit. One of the patrons takes exception, and tries to grab her, but she knocks him out with a punch to hte temple. Suddenly, it is on for young and old, and a full scale bar brawl erupts in which much of the bar is entirely demolished and various people are badly injured. Eventually she has managed to vanquish all comers, and she stands triumphant near the front door smoking a cigarette. Unfortunately for her, some fool has managed to sneak up behind her with some sort of metal tray, which he smashes over her head knocking her out. Unfortunately for that guy, me, the floor had somehow been doused with petrol. Incredibly explosive petrol, because the force of the explosion when her lit cigarette hit it sent me flying backwards and through the wall - at this point the dream turned into a simple animation with a New Zealander narrating - all the way to Adelaide.
Where Doctor Cam decided that actually he quite liked girls and he moved in with one.
But then he decided that actually he did like boys, so he moved in with one of those.
They bought a house.
And moved back East.
Except that it wasn't the end, cos at that point the animation stopped and I was standing outside the now wrecked pub talking to Luke McBroington (also a Kiwi) when his sister asked me for a smoke. But all of my smokes had gone green and moldy. At this point, a television journalist came up and made interview overtures on the basis that I had been the last person to speak to the attacker before she went on her rampage, except he was under the impression that I was a Catholic. I was like, "Actually, I'm not."
And he said, "What denomination are you?"
And I said, "I'm a hard-line literalist Sunni muslim."
And he didn't believe me. Then he said, "What are you eating?"
I was eating a kebab. I said to him, "Do you believe me now?"
AT THAT POINT I WOKE UP AND IT REALLY WAS THE END OF THE DREAM
ASIO! Don't print this out and put it in my file. I suspect it's cos we talked about writing a song about a Tranno called Stanno for like 30 minutes at band practice on Friday night. Did I mention that I am in a band that is like a bunch of hot chicks?
DID I MENTION THAT, ASIO?
God, I am going to be so embarrassed by this when I FOI my file in 30 years or whatever.