As the Vicar said to the Nun while they were playing baseball.
Anyway, I went to a party last night and gentle reader I think I should inform you that it was a party at a pub and it was for a person's birthday and I think I should also inform you that the person whose party it was has a blog but I am happy to say that I know them from what the kids call 'IRL' (in reality living) politicks and not from blogging but I also knew them from blogging but I kind of thought they were two different people but it turns out it is just the one dude.
Anyway, there were other bloggers there, including Desci who has a blog called someoneinmelbourne.blogspot.com if you would believe it.
Anyway, I think she will probably defame me with lies and misc. untruths when she blogs about her evening so I gotta get in quick with the truth which is that she was a racist, pill-popping boor who would not shut up about the controlled demolition of the World Trade Centre by the Jesuits and how Martin Bryant couldn't have done Port Arthur cos some chick got a Beirut Triple which is what ISRAELI special forces use to stop suicide bombers who are in cars cos there is one bullet to disable the car (into the engine or some shit) and then one in the chest and one in the head to ensure they're dead. Anyway, she is going on about all this and then she says, do you want to hit it up?
I THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA POP ME IN THE JAW WITH HER FIST!
But she was just asking me if I wanted heroin, and I was like, "Um... NO?" and she gave me this withering stare like I was just the biggest square.
Also, she told me she liked Adam 1.0 more than Adam 2.0. I was like, "Really?" and she was like, "Absolutely. When he struts his stuff he is more bang for his buck."
And then she told me that she wanted to "finger his man-pussy" and that he was "the original and still the best."
I said, "But surely you realise that Adam 2.0 is a wee Eurasian leprachaun?"
And she was just like, half asian is 50% too asian, you know?
I was pretty shocked.
Actually, the heroin thing was somebody else but the rest of this post is gospel truth.
Oh yeah, I remembered another thing that has nothing to do with Desci's drug-addled bigotry but has a bit to do with drugs which is that one time one of my friends was all bragging to me about how he bought his pills off the relative of a certain prominent public figure who is in a fairly important political position. Anyway, he told me the prominent public figure but he would not tell me the actual drug dealer's name cos he feared I would create scandal with it in the media (which was a totally fair call)!
Anyway, that was like 12 months ago and last night at this bar I totally bumped into this drug dealer guy and he was INSANE. I had taken like 15 NoDoz and I was moving pretty fast and throwing mad shapes but this dude had not had anything legal or illegal and I had mad trouble keeping up. Anyway anyway, we established who our mutual friend was and I asked him about selling that guy pills and he was like, 'I sold him TWO pills ONE time and they were really bad pills."
They were pink scorpions, gentle readers. They sound awful.
Speaking of things of pink there was this dude who was a fashion model slash E.R. doctor and I got a feeling he was mad for cock cos he was telling me about his boyfriend but he was also checking out this dude in a red sweater who did not stand up for like four hours.
It was so weird. I felt bad for this model guy cos it was a love that could never be cos I am pretty sure that when dudes do dudes that the buttocks must be exposed and that is kind of difficult if the dude is sitting down all the time.
Anyway, I was like, how do you even know this dude is into that sort of malarkey is it like a gaydar?
And he was like, you just know.
I don't understand gaydars, gentle readers. Is it like an actual radar but with gay people on it? Was it on his iphone or something?
We are truly living in the future.