Reporting live from Beverley Hills, what are the goings-on and goings-off of the glittering, glamourous stars and starlettes?
HAVE THEY BEEN DOING IT? BEEN CAUGHT STEALING? IS IT OVER?
BUT THEIRS WAS A FOREVER LOVE, NELSON!
DEATH TO ALL WHO SAUNTER THE HOLLYWOOD BEAT
TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR
Their business, gentle reader, is our business.
I am sorry I wanted to kill you all, Hollywood Reporters.
I was temporarily insane, talking in a scouse accent and strutting about town with a female of a lower socio-economic background across me back.
"A hearty hail to you, Centurion," I wave to the Centurion.
"Ave Caesar, old cabbage," he replies with a doff of his tartan cap.
Where was I?
Oh yeah, entertainment journalists. Kill the fucking lot of them, I posit!