Holy Frijoles! I bumped into my good friend Johnny Leatherjacket in town today and we were like, "Let's drink coffee in the style of young urban professionals."
We then proceeded to do just that. But here is the deal, gentle reader. Johnny Leatherjacket is not a young urban professional. He is a troublesome fiend who wears a leather jacket and gets up to mischief - OFTEN OF A CRIMINAL VARIETY.
While we discussed the news of the world, he deigned to allow me to blinterview him. If you do not recall, a blinterview is an interview for this internet-based webdiary (or BLOG).
1. If you were stuck on a desert island, which of your sponsor-provided products would you want with you to provide you with shelter/company?
Australian Defence Force cadet boots that my good friends at Aussie Disposals gave me. Comfy and practical.
2. What would you do if there was no more food?
Develop a taste for human flesh.
3. You are trapped in a room with a dude and he is chained to a wall and you are also chained to a wall and there is a corpse in the middle of the room and there is also a gun. What do you do? (oh yeah, the dude who is already dead is actually alive and is the bad guy but you don't know that). There may well be some sort of chopping implement as well.
I'd escape the situation by journeying to the centre of the mind.
4. Did you know that Ariel Sharon is still alive? What's that all about?
Israel has the best hospitals in the world, man.
5. You are dining with Frank Sinatra and Ringo Starr and you inadvertently compare them both unfavourably to R&B singer Israel (but not the state of Israel) with a sweeping comment that disregards the breadth and depth of their respective work. How do you placate them? Do you even want to?
I quickly shout BARTENDER and seduce them both with a round of martinis.
6. You are dining with the re-animated corpse of Joh Bjelke-Petersen and he mentions that he is considering another tilt at federal politics with the slogan "Zombie Joh For PM". What is your counsel?
See a plastic surgeon immediately before considering any public appearances or political activity.
8. You find yourself playing Super Mario 2, which was the weird one with turnips. Will you play as Mario Mario, his plumber sibling Luigi Mario, Toadstool, or Princess Peach? Remember, they all have unique abilities!
Toad. I'd use his advanced vertical leap to get the hard to reach bonus points.
9. Electroclash or Emotronica?
Electroclash, by far! Because it utilises the Korg synth used by such early 80s outfits as Kraftwerk, the Strangers^ and other New Romantics.
10. Did you ever see that one video on Youtube where there is a cat and they put it in a cat-drying machine and the cat is like, "I'd rather not be in this machine!" There is another video on Youtube where this guy punches Glenn Danzig and Glenn Danzig hits the deck. It was a big dude that punched Glenn Danzig and I think he really put a lot of effort into the punch. Anyway, the question is: Do you think John Howard could have won the 2007 Federal Election if he had better utilised social media such as Youtube and Myspace?
^The Strangers were a Melbourne band formed in the 60s that kind of sucked, but I don't think they used synth. I think he is referring to U.S. based band Stranger who formed in the early 80s... but they weren't New Romantic at all. I don't know, gentle readers.
*Today I bumped into Johnny Leatherjacket again and I asked him which one he meant and he said that he actually said The Stranglers.
I guess they used a bunch of synth, huh.
HAVE A THINK ABOUT IT, GENTLE READER!