So, last night I'm kicking back in my car with Melbourne lawyer/blogger Jeremy Sear. We'd had to go to Geelong to take care of some shit, and we were pretty tense (things got a bit messy) so I thought I would lighten the mood with a bit of this quality ice I picked up in St Kilda the other night.
Big mistake. Big J just about smokes the whole lot before I even got a look in. I was like, "What the fuck, man?" and he's like, "Shit bro, you snooze you lose."
Man, way to bogart the meth, chief.
Then he says to me, "Hey man, you know what they call crystal in New Zealand?"
I'm like, "They don't call it crystal meth?"
He's like, "Shit man, they don't have crystals in New Zealand, man... they wouldn't know what the fuck you were talking about."
"So what do they call it, Jay Jay?"
"They call it P, man. Imagine that shit."
"Yeah man, it stands for Pure Meth."
I'm thinking that perhaps his logic is flawed, you know, but I don't want to press the issue, cos he's pretty wired now and anyway, I just saw the dude stomp some poor motherfucker for no good reason at all. No telling what he might do. Fucking loose cannon.
So we're pushing 80 through Northcote when he says to me, "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Stop the fucking car!"
I'm thinking, oh fuck, what the fuck is it this time? I just KNOW we're about to get into even more trouble, but he's in no mood for argument so I bring the car to a screeching halt.
"Man, this better be good, Jay, those tyres were brand new."
Turns out, mad prick had spotted an old mate, former Immigration Minister Kevin Andrews, schlepping along the side of the road.
"Kevvy Kay Kevvo!" he yells, "What the fuck is up?"
Andrews is like, "Oh, hey boys." Dude seems downcast.
"What's wrong, man?" I ask.
"Oh man, I'm just not cut out for Opposition, boys," he says, "I thought we'd be back in for sure. Workchoices, tax cuts, the marginalisation of the youth and the working poor... we had the whole fucking works. Bastards don't know what they're missing out on."
"Hey, don't blame me," says the J-blaster, "I voted Liberal."