A little internet humour for you there.
Oh my god.
How are you, gentle reader? I'm fairly average, I guess. I'm getting better.
I woke up to my phone going off. The trouble is, it's one of these newfangled phones that can play actual music instead of the beeps and boops of old, and the thing it plays when it wakes me up has voices in it.
Whenever I wake up I think I've answered the phone and it's my boss telling me I'm late. Waking up in a panic is not a good way to start your day.
As it was, I had to be at work in approx. 20 minutes, so I skipped coffee and breakfast and the like and headed in. Thereupon there were various DRAMAS of an OFFICE-LIKE nature.
Then more DRAMA.
Then the (late, after unpaid overtime) drive home - DO PEOPLE NOT KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? HEY CYCLIST, GET OFF THE ROAD I AM TRYING TO DRIVE HERE! A STOP SIGN IS A GUIDELINE! FUCK THE LAW!
FUCK THE LAW! I yelled.
What are traffic laws? HUH?
WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY?
THEY ARE 1s AND 0s.
THEY ARE INK
WE CAN BURN THEM! WE CAN BURN EVERYTHING!
THE ONLY LAW THAT WE NEED FOLLOW IS THE LAW IN OUR HEAD
AND MY LAW DOESN'T FEATURE STOP SIGNS SO STOP FUCKING STOPPING AND START FUCKING MOVING
I amused myself by yelling these things at people.
"Hey man, chill out," I said to myself (and I actually did, because I was yelling a lot), "Be zen. A red light is the universe's way of telling us to slow down for a second and just let events take their natural course. Why always the rushing?"
This made me think for a second.
Then I said to myself, "FUCK YOU! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TELLING ME WHAT TO DO! FUCK YOU, CAM! FUCK! Y! O! U! FUCK THIS SHIT!!"
"Hey man, settle down."
"NO YOU SETTLE DOWN!"
This went around in circles for a while until I got home and had some dinner. I think I was a little cranky because I was hungry. I am pretty chillaxed now.
I just got a text message from Comrade McBroington:
"Hey! [Herald Sun Financial Columnist] Terry McCrann should open up a deli - he could sell McCrannskys!"
Oh my god.
Anyway, have a good day, gentle reader.
Snap crackle pop it's nine o' clock
Radio's tuned to John
It's a Lemon Liquid Love affair
Another perfect day begun
Valium dulls the memory
Of lifetimes long ago
She never dreamt she'd just be meant
To cook and wash and sew