Do you ever think about pallets?
I sure don't.
That's because pallets are lamer than lame. What are they good for, anyway?
Only the efficient and safe transport of the retail goods and industrial equipment that keep the economy running!
Oh. that's right. I went there. You thought this was going to another typical anti-pallet rant, such as the sort you read every day in the anti-pallet "mainstream media." And then I busted out some pro-pallet madness like a madman.
Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Lock this man up in an insane asylum, ala the episode of Quantum Leap where Dr. Samuel Beckett woke up in an insane asylum just as he was being given a dangerously high dose of electroshock therapy."
You're thinking, "Nurse, get a straight-jacket! This fruitloop and his pro-pallet conspiracy theories are a danger to himself and others!"
And that's okay. I don't hate you for thinking that. I should hate you, shouldn't I? After all, YOU hate ME.
But it's not your fault. If a child was told that 'down is up' for every day of their life, would you hate them for believing that? No!
If somebody was told that the sky was green every morning - by people that they trust implicitly: their parents, their teachers, their government representatives, the people on TV who read the news and sometimes the weather - how can you blame them for clinging violently to that belief, no matter how misguided it is?
That's why there is no hate in my heart for those who don't agree with the things that I say regarding pallets. Because I know that when you hear what I have to say about pallets you won't ever think the same way again about pallets.
I feel that anti-pallet prejudice is a result of pallet-ignorance. To address this, I've written a short history of pallets and the reason they have been so maligned through history.
WARNING! What you are about to read differs somewhat from the "history" you would have been taught in school! Be aware that it may open your mind... and your heart.
THE TRUE HISTORY OF PALLETS
Invented in the early 9th century by forward-thinking druidic monks, pallets were initally met with skepticism and fear. As the forklift would not be invented for another 1100 years, pallets achieved little besides cluttering factory floors and frustrating those who had to work around them.
The development of automated goods transport technology (such as the aformentioned forklift) in the mid-20th century should have been a turning point for the much maligned pallet. Instead of having to balance goods precariously on the forks, goods could be stacked and moved with ease.
Unfortunately the weight of granite pallets was often too much, and the pallet was again thrown into the dustbin of history. There the concept sat, a million broken hunks of machinery in it's wake. A million broken dreams.
But the story of the pallet does not end there.
In 2004, scientists working in the dark heart of Bavaria accidentally developed a new type of pallet while attempting to revolutionise totem tennis ("What if we could turn it into a bloodsport played to the death" they had wondered). This new pallet was made of wood. It was light, but effective. A container ship that would have once taken 17 years to unload could sail into port and be on the way to the Bahamas within hours.
Which brings us to the present day.
Wooden pallets are not the same pallets that your grandfather used to mutter about at the dinner table of a Sunday roast. Wooden pallets are not the freedom-hating pallets of yesteryear.
I know that change can be a frightening thing, but wooden pallets only want to change the world for the good of all mankind.
I beg of you, put your prejudice aside and give wooden pallets a chance.