My friend Kakariki has finally gotten around to birthing a healthy baby girl.
Naturally, I am very happy for her and her handsome fella, however this wonderful event also delivers new responsibilities to me.
As a friend of the parents - as laid down in Victorian law - I am required to teach the child things her parents do not want her to know.
For example, how to make fart noises with both the mouth and the armpit.
For example, words such as 'bum' and 'poo'.
And, most importantly, as I understand her new parents are political radicals, the virtuous concept of capitalism.
I will be like, "Can you say 'free market?' Can you say 'means of production privately owned and operated for profit?'"
And she will be like, "Fwee mah-ket."
It'll be very cute.