Avant garde, no?

This one goes up first because I suspect that Rosa will hurt me if it doesn't.

Rosa Sparx is a Melbourne anarchist/violent ethnic chick whose various musings can be pored over at http://insultadarity.blogspot.com

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1. Would you say that giving women the vote: A. Did irreparable damage to society / B. Did damage to society that could be rectified by revoking their voting privile[d]ges?

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B. Did damage to society that could be rectified by revoking their voting privileges.

First they would have to revoke our rights to literacy and gainful employment though. Oh. That would be sweet.

Anyway, stop picking on the sisters, cunt.

[Also, its "privileGes."]

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2. People have accused you of being an elaborate hoax perpetrated by
persons unknown. Who is your secret alter-ego?

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Hey Dr. Cam, God just, like, put me here so I could totally be at your [e]disposal or whatever. For real.

God said He made me to be like your fucking noble [e]page and [e]help you and [e]serve you and shit or maybe I could follow you round with an ipod nanno [if I had an
ipod nanno] and, like, record your pearls of wisdom and upload them as mp3s [if I knew how to do that*] so EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE WORLD could also bask in your wisdom or something. As, you know, your fucking noble [e]page.

*God knows I'm just this chick or whatever so I said to him, like:

SPARX: Just chill, God, You totally don't expect me to know how to do any of that shit you created me to do, for Dr. Cam, as his fucking noble [e]page, right?

and He said, like:

GOD: S'ok, brave Sparx, for I have created Aketus to help you with all that shit I created you to do, for Dr. Cam, as his noble fucking [e]page. No, serious, just email Aketus, like:

SPARX: Hey Aketus, how do I upload mp3s all of Dr. Cam's pearls of wisdom so EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD can also bask in his wisdom, God like, totally put me here so I could be his noble fucking [e]page and shit.

and God made Aketus email me back with a long boring list of instructions telling me how to do it, and I emailed Aketus back, like:

SPARX: Hey Aketus you fucking know I'm totally too "ethnic" to "read" all those "words" so I'm just not gonna bother, hey.

and God made Aketus email me back, like:

AKETUS: Hey Sparx, don't worry about it.

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3. If you could pash any Australian newspaper columnist - who would it be and why?

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Andrew Bolt. I would lure him to my house and film the pash on my webcam [if I had a webcam] then I'd use the footage to blackmail him. For, as a white South African [or German or whatever] and Newsman, he would be ashamed to be caught pashing an "ethnic" woman. Then, while he was still shocked, shocked AND awed, I'd threaten to release the footage to www.melbourne.indypaparazzi.org [or whatever it's called] unless he agreed to my demands. I'd probably demand about $40,000 but could be talked down to about two or three hundred [but I wouldn't go lower than $50.] And whatever drugs he had on him at the time.

Oh yeah, and he'd have to agree to let me and my mates ghostwrite his column for an entire week. Or I'd fucking break his writing fingers.

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4. Brad & Angelina - will it last in 07?

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They'll do an interview on Al Jezzera and Brad's face-plate will fall off and Angelina and EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD will see all the gears and wires and shit underneath. Angelina'll say: "Brad, what the fuck are all those gears and wires and shit underneath your face plate?" And he'll say: "Angelina, I don't know."

So it'll probably last another year or so.

Oh yeah, and FUCKEW that is such a tossfucky question, Dr. Cam, but you knew that, right?

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5. Would you prefer to be in a position where you did not have the responsibility of making decisions?

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I can't handle being in a position where I don't have responsibility for making decisions, thats why I'm gainfully employed as both a dishpig AND a dishmonkey. When I am in a position where I don't have responsibility for making decisions I fret, became edgy and paranoid and sometimes twitch until I either crash or peak.

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6. Could you agree to "strict discipline?"

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Fuckew, Dr. Cam, I wouldn't agree to shit unless you made it worth my while.* And you know I ain't cheap [see questions 3 and 10.] Also, I have a lot of "cultural anger" so I might go too far and [accidentally] snap you like a brittle fucking twig with my ethnic mind trix [they're fucking real!]

*Or if I thought I might get a few cheap laughs when I post to my blog: "I [accidentally] Snapped Dr. Cam Like A Brittle Fucking Twig With My Ethnic Mind Trix [They're Fucking Real!]"

Hey, I know what your gonna say, but it's fucking true. I have a blog now.

Just sayin', is all.

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7. Would the idea of making a complete new start cause you much concern?

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Champagne Supernova
by Oasis [arrogantly abridged by me]

How many special people change?
How many lives are living strange?
Where were you while we were getting high?
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannonball

Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky [X2]
Wake up the dawn and ask her why
A dreamer dreams, she never dies
Wipe that tear away now from your eye

[CHORUS]

'Cuz we don't believe
That they're gonna get away from the summer
But you and I will never die
The world's still spinning around we don't know why

[CHORUS]

Why-why-why-why-i-i [X2]
[guitar solo]

[CHORUS]

A champagne supernova [X2]

[CHORUS]

Why-why-why-why-i-i [X2]

[really long guitar solo, birds chirping, more guitar]

How many special people change?
How many lives are living strange?
Where were you while we were getting high?
We were getting high [X9]

[CHORUS]

[Fades out 7th-9th times to just one "Oooh-oooh"]
[Song gets really quiet, fades to a peaceful guitar solo.]

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8. What are your plans for the development of the solar system in the next
fifty years?

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First, I would install a kickass sound system [function one if I could get it.]

The rest would just be like Star Trek: The Next Generation and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, but with Palestine instead of the Bajorans, and Israel instead of Cardassia. Also, America would be the Federation. I don't know what Australia would be, maybe one of those single-episode races you never hear about again. Iraq would be the Klingons. I guess.

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9. Would you get in the ring and fight me? I mean, actually FIGHT me?

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OhMyGod!!! I would, like, so totally fight you Dr Cam!!!! I'd make you scream like a little bitch or whatever.

And I wouldn't hold back at all, coz you're a doctor or something, so you could probably, like, fix yourself up all nice again afterwards.

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10. Could you ever bring yourself to return my affection?

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The question is, could you handle the experience? Everyone knows ethnic women are pretty hard to please, so before I could return your affection, you'd have to prove you were worth my time. You'd have to dumpster* pretty, pretty things for me [or put up with my constant bitching and complaining: "Dr. Cam," I'd say, "why don't you ever dumpster pretty, pretty things for me?" etc.] And squat me a BIG squat - a NICE squat - a squat with running water [or at least a rainwater trough in the backyard] - and - if I was good - maybe lights and heat [oh and broadband, I'd give you SUCH constant shit if you squatted me a house with just dialup. I mean, fuck.]

Otherwise you're just playing with my emotions and thats, like, uncool, man.

Also, I don't want to have to share the squat with too many other fezzers, so fucking make sure theres plenty of bedrooms.

*shoplifting/shopstealing would also be ok.

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