Haha! I don't know if you noticed, but apparently my website was down for, like... 2 weeks...
I looked in the mirror today while I was applying Calvin Klein hair creme now with extra lift for the man on the go, and I noticed that I was somewhat sunburnt.
How did this happen?
When was I out in the sun? When was the sun out?
UV rays... the bastards.
The other day I had a really weird lucid dream.
I was too tired to make it to my bed, so I thought I'd lie down on my floor for a little bit and make the climb to base camp in a minute.
I drifted off for a couple of minutes, then woke up. I was feeling pretty refreshed, so I thought I'd go for a walk. I stepped outside, but it wasn't the outside of my house, it was a forest trail. I started to trek down the trail when I realised, "Hey Cam... we just walked out of the door and onto a forest trail."
"Yeah Cam, so what?"
"Well Cam, the thing is... there isn't a forest outside our door."
"Gee Cam, you're right. I suspect that I am dreaming!"
The dream went lucid. I like lucid dreaming, but in this case I didn't get to enjoy it, because that was when I woke up. It was the next morning. I got off the ground and stretched. I was at work. I told the boss, "I must have fallen asleep on the floor - I'm heading out." He said, Okay!
I went out the front of the office and got in my car. Vegie C. Vegie was there.
"Hey dude, how's it going?"
"Oh, pretty good."
We drove through the backstreets of Melbourne and I noticed that the back of my car was filled up with crap. Not crap like it's filled up with at the moment, but fridges and crap.
We pulled over and Vegie said, "Dice are interesting. Limited but unlimited, you know?"
"Not really," I said.
"It's cool," he said, "I forget you don't have a degree in diceology sometimes."
"I don't have a degree in anything," I sighed.
At that point I noticed some thugs walking towards the car. They were eyeing the whitegoods in the boot of the car. I hit the automatic locking thing... they were still coming. They appeared to have the tools necessary to bypass the complicated glass window security system of the vehicle.
We reversed at speed to get out of there and I realised that none of this was real - I was dreaming again. I woke up, and I was back on the floor in my house. I seemed to be able to sense extra planes of reality. When I moved my head from side to side my field of vision shifted through higher spectrums of light. A man walked into the room.
"W-who are you," I stuttered.
"Sup, I'm Mos Def," he thundered.
There was no way that this was real. I woke up. I was on the floor. It was morning. My housemate walked into the room.
"What are you doing on the floor?"
"I just had the weirdest dream," I told him, "I'd be dreaming, and everytime that the dream became too distant from reality to believe it went lucid and I had a false awakening. But I'm awake now."
"How do you know you're not having another dream?"
"Why the fuck would I dream about you?"
We took Johnny Leatherjacket to the hospital the other day. He'd been waiting with his mate Trey (who actually IS a drug dealer) to do a drug deal with a convicted murderer. He was drinking Canadian Club and when he got to the bottom of the bottle he thought he would dispose of it thoughtfully by smashing it. Cut his hand up. They had to wait for the customer to arrive before they could go to the hospital though.
So they did, and he got stitches put in. Anyway, he continued to use his hand during the week and the stitches came out... but he was too unmotivated to go back to the hospital to get them put back in (cos of marihuana) so he and Trey just watched Steven Seagal movies while I became increasingly infected.
When Comrade SteveSteve, Vegie and I saw it... well, it was gross, so we took him to the hospital where he and SteveSteve waited for about six hours to get it cleaned up and antibioticized and whatnot. Crazy kid.