Dear Victoria Police Drug Squad,
Hey - long time no speak! I heard you guys got disbanded due to some sort of corruption thing or something? Yeah, yeah, I know how it is. So, yeah, I thought I'd write you a letter, cos I notice you're not doing a terribly good job at catching these druggo punks I see hanging out down in the CBD.
And something needs to be done, guys, cos they bring the whole TONE of the place down - it ain't classy.
I know this one guy, right, his name is Johnny Leatherjacket. He was down in the city yesterday, and a police car drove past him, turned around, and pulled over. They searched through his pockets looking for drugs, but didn't find any. Then they asked him to take the cigarettes out of his wee little cigarette holder, but didn't find any.
Guys, they were right there... at the bottom! Jeez!
Anyway, today Johnny Leatherjacket is hanging about making a nuisance of himself, when the sniffer dogs show up. The kid must be smoking oregano, cos once again he gets off scott free. Shame!
I must also take issue with your attempts to bust drug dealers.
Take this example from a few days ago.
Undercover Officer: Hey mate, do you know where I can get some COKE-acola? A little COKE-acola?
Johnny Leatherjacket: Try 7-11, mate.
C'mon guys... that's a bit sad. Johnny Leatherjacket certainly looks like a drug user, but I don't think anyone could mistake him for a dealer. You'd think a dealer would dress a little more up-market, yeah?