Okay, here's what I want you to do. This is, how you say, your task.
Watch Play School.
You don't have to watch the whole thing. Just the opening animation. It's changed a bit since we were kids. Gone are the blocks. I dug those blocks. They were cool. They're gone.
Fucking gone.
But that's cool.
There's a proper animation now, with Big Ted and Humpty Dumpty or whoever he was and Jemima the Doll and some other dude dancing around.
Okay... watch that opening animation, and then come back to me.
Come back to me, and look me in the eye.
Come back to me, look me in the eye, and then tell me that Jemima is not absolutely smoking hot.
You won't be able to do it.
Now, let's just slow the judgement train down. I'm not saying I want to fuck the cartoon.
And I'm not saying I want to fuck the doll.
I'm just saying, you know, if she was human... I bet she'd go off like a fucking rocket. And I bet she's packing heat. Shit, I bet she's a MOSSAD agent.
I'm not too hot on the occupation of Palestine, but I think even the most indignant Hamas chap would agree with me when I said that a hot MOSSAD agent could really put the icing on the cake, if you know what I mean.
"We've got games to play... and stories to tell..."
I bet you do, you little vixen.
In other news, I recieved a series of increasingly frantic SMS's from New Zealand last night, specifically from Leigh.
The first read: "OH MY FUCKING GOD! Tori gave SEAN ASTIN copy of LOTR spoof rite?
dramatic pause
WRONG! We just found her copy in lounge. 's entirely possible he has my drunk family karaoke."
She didn't actually say, "Dramatic pause." I threw that in because you lose all the comedic timing through the SMS format.
As the night wore on, it became more and more apparent that Sean Astin did in fact have Leigh's karaoke video, which included a rummed-up Leigh singing along to Liberty X or something. I have no idea who Liberty X is, but... Good grief. I posited that he might show Viggo and Elijah, which couldn't hurt.
I think it would be really great if heaps of people started giving drunken family karaoke videos to Sean Astin. He'd be like, "What the FUCK is going on? Seriously, you guys."
What a spin-out.
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