Hey there! I was going to write this whole blog entry about stuff, and it was totally going to subvert this, that, and every other paradigm.
But then I realised... I'm not subverting any paradigms at all! I'm perpetuating paradigms! Fuck!
So, we have had to de-hire the fourth wall. Consider this its exit interview.
I was driving this morning, when it felt like there was a third pedal. Shortly thereafter I realised that it was actually just my feet touching.
It was, I thought, something of a "blonde" moment.
Seconds later, I realised that there was actually something there - the cover of one of the pedals had come off. Still, the idea of a "blonde" moment was in my head.
When I got out of my car, I came to the realization that I had a flat tyre.
It occurred to me that if I were to follow through on the concept of being a stereotypical blonde fool, my next thought would be: I wish I had a big strong man here to fix this for me.
Ironically, as somebody who can't be fucked changing a tyre, that's what I was actually thinking as well.
I thought it would be amusing to write about these incidents, and pepper it with more stereotypical blonde female diaryesque concepts, such as the number of calories consumed, burnt, etc. You know... ripping off Helen Fielding. It would be a bit "quirky" and would jar with the rest of my writing and would allow me to delve into the fantastic world of the cliche, which I must admit is a world that I do dearly love.
But then I thought, HEY! What is better than perpetuating stereotypes? Subverting stereotypes!
But every single subversion I could think of was merely the perpetuation of another aspect of the Stereotypical Blonde Woman Cliche - Sex fiend, killer, Stepford Wife, etc. etc.
So, I decided the fourth wall would have to go so that we could examine these issues in depth. Gender roles are funny things.
For starters, the word 'role' is a HOMOphone, and lends itself to a Weird Al Yankovic lyric in which the gender-related status quo is compared to foodstuffs.
The word HOMOphone is interesting too. From an early age, children - through the schoolyard - associate the prefix Homo- with the word Homosexuality, a word also associated with gender issues.
In conclusion, a Mad Magazine parody of Nelly Furtado would refer to her as Smelly Turdfarto, and to her hit single "I'm like a bird" as "I'm like a turd."
Her debut album "Woah, Nelly" would instead be called, "Blechh, Nelly."
I am a complex person with many facets - I cannot be expected to write about such a boring subject as the subversion of gender roles on such a nice day as this! Fuck you, Jill/Jack!