Avant garde, no?

... write the tracklisting for my Saturday arvo radio show down here, cos there isn't a freaking pen in the freaking studio.

But it's totally Monday night, I hear you cry in despair!

I am doing a pre-record fool.

I will totally be updating this LIVE as it happens (I mean the recording, not the playing)! WOAH! WOAH!! I am freaking out myself, personally. When Saturday comes, you will be able to tune into 104.7 Gippsland FM at around the time of say... 5pm, and you will think to yourself: Wow! It is exactly what he promised!

Okay, so let's do this.

Rock And Roll Ate My Brain, starring Dr. Cam Sexenheimer...

LET'S GO!

Track Number One:

Play The Game - Jon Brion... woah, it's totally a Queen cover. I picked up Killer Queen - A Tribute To Queen (various artists) at the record store today. It's pretty okay. I'll be playing a few more things off this over the course of the show.

Woah, I have to speak in like 37 seconds... what am I going to say?

WHAT DO I SAY?

WHAT SHOULD I SAY?

I nearly didn't speak at all! I almost, in fact, forgot to push the slider up on the mic after turning it on. FORGETFUL!

Luckily, I did.

Song Number Two:

Dirty Creature - Split Enz.

I originally bought this on vinyl a few years ago (around 3 I think) for the purposes of a sculpture I was making. This sculpture, in fact, was a big crucifix that Jelly, Justin and I had created. We were planning on nailing a whole bunch of crappy old records to it.

So we did. We went to the op-shop and splurged 10 bucks or so on a bunch of crappy old scratched up records. One that I couldn't bear to nail to a crucifix was the Dirty Creature EP, and I played it a fair bit while I was writing that year.

As for the sculpture, we ended up nailing my much maligned vinyl jacket to it as well, and painting the words "False Idol" onto it in red. That jacket would have been pretty cool to wear after we took it down ('cept it had a bit of white paint stuck on the back) but sadly the crucifix went missing between the end of high school ending and me going to pick it up.

We were going to burn it - I reckoned the melting vinyl would look pretty cool.

(The coolness of the melting vinyl would have far outweighed the negative KKK connotations)

Oh yeah, and it was critically acclaimed by freaking everybody. Our devoutly Christian principal loved it, patted us on the back (Good message, boys) and moved on to the next sculpture. Seconds later, Mr. Satanist Hate Religion Guy came over, loved it, clapped us on the back (Right on, man!) and moved on to the next sculpture.

Suckers! Truth is, it didn't mean anything, besides: Jesus would have looked cooler in a leather (or leather alternative) jacket.

Song Number Three:

Zak and Sara - Ben Folds. It's on Rockin' The Suburbs. I don't really have a story to go with this. It's just a groovy song without any swearing. I don't have a problem with swearing, but this is an afternoon program, yeah?

Song Number Four:

Mean Woman Blues - Roy Orbison. There is a story somewhere on this site in which I am wearing a Roy Orbison shirt. I bought a Roy Orbison album as a result. Roy Orbison is a very talented artist who deserves more airplay. (Is he dead?)

Song Number Five:

Under Pressure - Joss Stone. Another one from that Queen album. In year 9, I played this song a lot while I was working on a project about Mormons. It gave me a pretty good beat to write to.

I suggested that the teacher listened to the song while she was marking the project.

It was possibly the greatest thing I've ever written (no copies remain, sadly).

It got a D.

Song Number Six:

The Chariot - Cat Empire. It's boppy.

Song Number Seven:

Under The Milky Way - The Church. Sometimes when this place gets kinda empty...

Song Number Eight:

Everybody Needs Somebody To Love - The Blues Brothers. Roy Orbison died in 1988. Unrelated to the song, but I thought you might be wondering along with me.

Song Number Nine:

Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy - Jason Mraz. Mraz... that's a cool name. I am partial to names with Zs and Xs. Though I am undecided on the V issue.

Song Number Ten:

Just What I Needed - The Cars. We are like 40 minutes into the show! Woah. This is one of my all-time favourite songs. One day, I'd like to do a screeching punk cover of it. "I DON WAN YOU HANGEN ROUND! WASTIN ALL MYTIME!!"

Song Number Eleven:

Sellout - Reel Big Fish. This is actually an alternative ringtone on my mobile telephone. My ringtone, as mentioned in the past, is American Jesus by Bad Religion - and I have no intentions of changing that any time soon.

Other alternative ringtones I could have! include: the theme from The Great Escape, California Uber Alles by Dead Kennedys and Gay Bar by Electrix Six.

Song Number Twelve:

Should I Stay Or Should I Go - The Clash. One of my workmates started singing this last week - we couldn't quite remember all the lyrics. You see, if he goes there will be trouble, but if he stays it will be double. It's not a decision he can make without outside input.

I'd love to know what they're saying in the background in Spanish or something.

Aha! I looked it up! It's just the lyrics that are being sung in English in Ecuadorian Spanish. Solution!

Song Number Thirteen:

Who Wants To Live Forever - Breaking Benjamin. Another Queen cover. Are you detecting a theme in this show?

Song Number Fourteen:

History Never Repeats - Split Enz. History never repeats, yet I am playing a SECOND Split Enz song in the show. Can you appreciate the subtle irony?

Song Number Fifteen:

Subterranean Homesick Blues - Bob Dylan. I think this was one of the first songs I ever played on the radio (The name of the show was originally Bob Dylan Ate My Brain). I like this song, but I'll tell you someone who really likes it: Vegie C. Vegie. That cat has this thing memorised, baby.

Song Number Sixteen:

Blackfella/Whitefella - Warumpi Band. A break in the theme! We still have 30 minutes of show to record and I will run out of Queen covers if I don't slow down a little. It doesn't matter which religion - it's all the same when the ship is sinking. Something to think about, maybe?

Song Number Seventeen:

Barabajagal - Donovan. What the hell is this song about? Ahahahahaha - I have no freaking idea.

Song Number Eighteen:

Sleeping On The Sidewalk - Los Lobos. Another Queen cover. It tells a rags to riches story. I think you could only describe the bass in this as "damn fat!"

I tell a lie. It is a rags to riches to rags tale. Our hero is sleeping on the sidewalk, when he is given a record label. He experiences all the highs of life in the fast lane, and it's pretty good, but then they start telling him what he can and can't do, and he won't have a bar of it. He tells them where they can stick their major label, and returns to a life of (content) poverty.

Song Number Nineteen:

In The Time It Takes To Sing This Song - Boola Boola Band. In the time it takes to sing this song there'll be four acres cleared in the Amazon. The song is 4 minutes and 1 second long. I suspect that it's no longer accurate.

The Boola Boola band is from somewhere in the local area. I think we saw them (???) at the Warragul Celtic Festival years ago... at any rate, Vegie C. Vegie bought two of their albums at that locus in time and space.

Song Number Twenty:

Hell For Leather - Hoodoo Gurus. I saw the Hoodoo Gurus at Falls Festival this year (or was it the very end of last year?) and it was very good.

Song Number Twenty One:

Bohemian Rhapsody - The Flaming Lips. The other cover of Bohemian Rhapsody on this album is by "Constantine M." who is apparently some guy off American Idol.

Bugger that! That's a fairly straight cover of the song - very blah. The Lips, however, throw a couple of stylish twistinesses into it. I rather like this album, but there were a few disappointing tracks on it - particularly Sum 41's cover of Killer Queen.

I don't like Sum 41, but I would have dugged a pop-"punk"y sort of cover of Killer Queen.

Instead, it's essentially a note for note copy of the original. Blah!!

We are very nearly out of time!

I say my goodbyes...

and Song Number Twenty Two:

Don't Stop Me Now - The Vandals. Greatest Queen cover in the history of Queen covers, and not on this wacky tribute album but instead on the Hollywood Potato Chip album.

I seem to remember air-guitaring to this in an extremely wild fashion on a couple of occasions. For example, pumping it up really loud in the car, leaving all the doors open and ROCKING OUT on the streets of such varied locations as Melbourne and Warragul.

Well, that is the whole thing. I thought that show went okay - it was by no means the greatest show that I have ever done, but it was also by no means the worst!! It was just around average.

Also, I totally LIED, at least twice. I am listening to my pre-record back, and I claim two things!

I claim that I will be playing The Doors - I didn't!

I also claim that I made that sculpture in Year 10, when in fact we made it in like Year 12!!

Another thing I am noting from listening to this back is: Woah, that's not what I usually sound like. I will endeavour to sound cooler next week.

Anyway, it is totally 1 AM. So that's about it for me!!

As indicated previously, you will be able to listen to this on 104.7 FM Sat 3rd of June from 5pm - 630pm. I'm also going to be a guest on Jopplopping Hoddities again on Monday 5th from 9pm - 1030pm for the last time for about 4 months.

Woah! That's a third of a year! Ah, well.

The End!!*

*!! <--- I have made a discovery!! This is so much more awesome than for example ! or !!!


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