Avant garde, no?

Theme Song:

We open on Dr. Jeffreys standing over a patient currently undergoing open-heart surgery.

Nurse: Dr. Jeffreys, please! Be reasonable!

Dr. Jeffreys ignores her foolish advice, pulls a guitar from the prone form on the table, and launches into a WILD, SCREAMING LICK!

Doc J:
It is plain to me,
It's plain to see,
That these are flawed analyses!

I knew a Doc,
Dr. Jeffreys.
A doc who rocks?
Dr. Jeffreys.

Sparkling blue eyes, and also gloves,
Coats as white as Russian doves,
I think you know the doc I mean,
The doc who rocks:
Dr. Jeffreys!

He's the doc who rocks!

Rocks all our socks!

Patient, Nurses and Doc J:
He's Dr. Jeffreys!


Last week on The Amazing Medical Adventures of Dr. Quentin Jeffreys!

Nurse: Doctor Jeffreys, please, be reasonable.

Doc J: Listen Maggie, reasonable is my middle name. Jeffreys is my last name! And if my name isn't Mortimer Reasonable Jeffreys, I will be giving this man a big old dose of penthrane. I mean, look at this jive sucker, Margaret... lying there in a coma induced by a truck driven by my evil twin brother who I thought was dead but was actually in a coma until he woke up.

Nurse: But Doctor... I love you.

They embrace steamily.

Suddenly! Nurse Margaret Thornton's jilted husband bursts in, weilding a chainsaw.

David Thornton: Jeffreys! TIME TO OPERATE!!!


We fade up to:

INT. DAY: The Hospital Cafeteria.

HAROLD THE CLEANER is mopping up some spaghetti that fell on the floor... I mean... a LOT of spaghetti. We have totally faded up on the wrong scene.



Dr. J, Maggie, and Maggie's jilted husband David are involved in an intense central american standoff of some sort.

David: Let my wife go, Jeffreys!

Dr. J: Put that chainsaw down first, Thornton!

Maggie: I am a woman and am scared.

Dr. J and David in manly unison: Ha! Ha! Ha! You sure are!

Dr. J and David EXIT to go HUNT DEER and DRINK BEER, leaving the stupid woman to sit huddled in the corner of the operating theatre, SOBBING.

Oh, and there is still totally someone on the operating table.


Next Week!

Dr. J: Woah! I cannot believe the size of these things! How big are those things?

(As a result of humourous misleads you think he is referring to her breasts, but he is actually referring to her cancerous tumours.)

A very special episode of The Amazing Medical Adventures of Dr. Eustace Jeffreys!

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