Being a detective has a number of positive consequences:
1. Detectoring burns calories.
2. Detectoring pulls the ladeez.
3. Everybody looks good in a fedora.
Alas and woe!
I have been unfairly stereotyped as someone who only hunts nazis and ghosts.
This is not true - I will deduce anything.
Observe this new case of mine:
THE MYSTERIOUS MYSTERY OF COMRADE STEVESTEVE'S MYSTERIOUS HOUSE.
SteveSteve is not just a cinema projectionist, he is also the type of person who feels it is important that he attains a tertiary education before he cuts into dead bodies.
As a result, he lives in Clayton, in a share house. But not just any sharehouse.
His house is one of intrigue, one of inscrutability... it is, in fact, a house of mystery.
Consider the following.
The house is very secure.
It has motion sensors.
On the back door, there are 3 massive locks.
On the front door, there are 4 massive locks.
On each of the 3 bedroom doors, there is evidence that they once had deadbolts... ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE DOOR.
Who or What were the previous tenants trying to keep out of those rooms... or IN them?
There is actually one deadbolt still up. That room also had a deadbolt on the inside. What is the DEALIO?
The house has wooden floors - EXCEPT! There is one bit that is carpeted... it is impossible to lift this bit up, but when you walk on it, it sounds hollow underneath!
What or Who were the previous tenants hiding under this house?
These punk university students are renting this house.
Let me tell you something about university students.
University students drink alcohol to excess. They experiment with illicit substances, such as spliffs (marijuana), cream scones (methamphetamine), and Lady Cavendish Holmes (heroin).
You could truly say that university students are "chained to the Horse." (drug-addicted)
They also experiment sexually, exploring their sexuality with a variety of partners of both sexes, and spicing things up in the bedroom with the use of novelty props, costumes and erotic foodstuffs.
All of these things are conducive to making a mess of the house in which they are partaking in these activities.
As a result, it is fairly standard practice that a landlord will visit a house in which university students are residing AT LEAST ONCE per year, to make sure they are not completely destroying the joint.
The landlord of Comrade SteveSteve's house has not visited even once... IN OVER THREE YEARS. In fact, he has not visited at all while the current tenants have resided there.
What shocking memory of death and depravity keeps their landlord at bay?
What HAPPENED in that house?
Finally, there is another mystery which lurks outside the house 3 or 4 times a week.
3 or 4 times a week, a car can be observed sitting in 1 of 3 positions in Comrade SteveSteve's street.
In it, sits a person who we shall call Damian.
We shall call the car, The Car.
Damian will sit in The Car all day.
Sometimes, The Car will be there, but there will be no sign of Damian.
Sometimes Damian will be in Another Car.
Sometimes a woman who we shall call Judy is seen sitting in The Car.
They sit there... all.... day.
What are they doing? What are they watching?
Are they watching The House?
What happened there?
Who lived there?
Who died there?
What is the dealio... yo.
Casefile Name: The Mysterious Mystery of Comrade SteveSteve's Mysterious House.
Case Status: Open.
Case Rating: Highly Mysterious