Avant garde, no?

A beard?

A BEARD!

My kingdom for a beard!

Some time ago, I thought it wise.
That I should have a beard.
So as I could stroke my chin.
Without it looking weird.

I didn't shave,
I binned the razor,
Threw out all my blades,
And now I am free to savour,

A hairy, hairy face. Oi!

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Sing it fast. Real fast. It works.

For whatever reason (Laziness, mostly) I stopped shaving in the final days of 2005. Now it's almost April, and I have a fine mahogany beard.

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I bought some new toothpaste the other day. Also, a new toothbrush.

The toothpaste is macleans EXTREME CLEAN WHITE.

It comes with MICRO-ACTIVE FOAMING BUBBLES.

It's sort of white, but with little red bits in it. How multicultural.

Anyway, I like it. It leaves my teeth (tooths) feeling sparkling and fresh and ready to face the day/night. I just love it's bold minty stripes.

The active ingredient is Sodium Fluoride.

Ah, Fluoride. It's a hot topic in my home town of Waz Vegas at the moment. (and has been for some years)

In fact, my arch-nemesis Don Auchterlonie (the national director of the anti-semitic holocaust-denying Australian League of Rights) wrote a letter to the Warragul Gazette on the very topic this week:

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"If fluoridation was as cut and dried as Dr Hall claims (Gaz 14/3) why has the controversy over it raged for 50 years? The first book I read was written, after three years intensive research, by Dr D.G. Steyn in 1957.

His recommendation as a toxicologist was don’t put fluoride in the water, only use it topically by trained dentists.

I have six other books warning of the dangers of fluoridation.

A writer takes personal responsibility for his book. Who in the various organisations quoted by Dr Hall will take responsibility for their endorsement of fluoridation?

Dr Hall says fluoridation is safe for people and for the environment.
Four and a half tons of fluoride is put in Melbourne’s water supply each day, one per cent is drunk, as water always runs downhill the rest eventually finds its way into Port Philip Bay. If the bay could talk what would it say?"

- Don Auchterlonie, Trafalgar.

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Personally, if the Bay started talking to me, I'd start wondering what else had been put in the water!

Now, maybe it's just me, but I have detected a few small problems in Don's letter.

1. His knowledge of the issue is based on a book written in 1957. Of course, the 1957 book was written after three years of intensive research.

Yes. Intensive research BETWEEN 1954 AND 1957!!! I'd like to think that science has progressed somewhat in the 50 years that followed the publication of Dr. Steyn's book.

Don also refers to the other six books he has on the subject. Now, this is just a guess, but knowing the League of Rights, I'd wager that none of those books is from before 1968.

2. Who will take responsibility for the endorsement of fluoridation? Um... the people endorsing it from the various DENTAL associations?

Personally, I don't know much about fluoridated water - but I've been drinking it for years, and if a whole bunch of doctors and dentists say that it doesn't hurt, but it helps, it's right by me. It certainly hasn't done ME any harm.

ARGH! SPIDERS! IN MY EYEBALLS! ICANFEELTHEMCRAWLINGINTHEREMAKETHEMSTOPOHGODOHGODOHG-

It certainly hasn't done me any harm.

To conclude, I found this review of Wolf Creek from the Australian League of Rights website to be possibly the best review that I have ever seen, and am reproducing it here so you can all bask in it's glory:

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THE WOLVES AND THE LAMBS

by John Steele

The Australian movie "Wolf Creek" (2005, director Greg Mclean) has received considerable critical applause and awards from the film community. The movie is in the horror/slasher genre and is loosely based upon the Milat backpacker/Murdoch NT murders.

The plot is simple. Four friends in their twenties (Kristy, Ben, Liz and some bloke whose name I didn't catch) set out to hike through Wolf Creek national park. They park their car, do their hike, but find later that their car won't start. Along comes kangaroo hunter Mick Taylor (brilliantly played by John Jarratt of "Better Homes and Gardens" fame) who offers to repair their car, but first he will need to tow them back to his camp. He tows them back to camp, gives them, unbeknown to them, a knock-out drug in their drink and then sets out to butcher them. The rest is predictable.
One girl manages to escape before her murder and she even frees the other girl who has been tortured. Better yet, 'roo hunter Taylor, over confident, puts down his belt action rifle. A girl picks up this weapon and shaking like a leaf eventually fires a shot which stuns Taylor. Then dropping the gun both girls flee, only to be hunted down like animals later.
In a deleted scene, one girl finds a revolver but is initially unable to work out how to use it. Eventually she is able to load two or three bullets in it, only to later drop it and lose it.

In general I believe that most movies produced today are ideological trash (The Lord of the Rings trilogy is an exception). Movies, like popular music are the equivalent of junk food. Nevertheless some movies embody important truths about popular culture. "Wolf Creek" has become a popular horror film for generation Y because it embodies certain truths about this generation.
Feminism and political correctness characterise the characters. The males are soft and weak. The females clearly are frightened of guns and have no self defence skills. They are the sorts of university people that would be at anti-gun rallies. As modern urbanites they enter the bush with no capacity for self- protection. Of course their government has taken their guns away from them but even if they had the right to bear arms they would not have packed a weapon with them. And when they really need to use a weapon, they can't work out how to use it.

In short, the characters exemplify the type of computerised urban consumer that is wanted in the new Australian order. They are, essentially, lambs and are slaughtered as such. These type of scenarios wouldn't generally have worked against the men and women of other eras. The movie horror genre works because the average viewer projects their own helplessness into the characters.
"Wolf Creek" didn't scare me. Having been a soldier and spent a lot of time in the outback, all I could see were the mistakes made by the urbanites. It is hard to feel sorry for such changelings.

Common to Australian horror movies is a projected fear of the bush. The backpackers murders (which in any case were not in the deep outback of Australia but off a highway) have reinforced this fear. But like most fears it is something based upon ignorance. Most murders occur in urban areas where there are high population numbers and ethnically diverse populations crammed together.

The bush is relatively safe provided one knows what one is doing regards travel, water storage and mechanical repairs to vehicles. Over civilised man living wrapped in the cosy blanket of consumerism and technology, has become a lamb. If some breakdown of social order occurs (e.g., in disaster situations as seen in New Orleans in the wake of Hurricane Katrina and now North Queensland and Hurricane Larry) then the lambs are at the mercy of wolf men.
Rugged independence, self-reliance and survival skills are being lost as people become little more than meat in the machinery of modernity. That is what the system wants us to be.

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Smashing stuff. Pass the scones, we're going to watch The Hills Have Eyes next.

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