Avant garde, no?

Sup homies?

It was Australia Day yesterday!

HOORAY!

Personally, I can't think of any better reason to drink beer than the anniversary of the establishment of a penal colony and the beginning of the genocide of an indigenous people.

I said that to the lady behind the counter at the bottle shop.

She said: "Damn straight."

I am NOT kidding.

The other day, this guy in England got arrested for evading police and speeding and generally being in a high speed car chase.

The reason? He had drunk (drinken) 20 cans of Red Bull Energy Drink.

Let me put that number into words so that you can fully understand the magnitude of it.

TWEN-FUCKING-TY.

That's a lot of cans of Red Bull Energy Drink (now with even more energy!)

Anyway, I thought to myself, "Hang on a minute, baby! 20 cans of Red Bull woudln't send me into a high speed car chase!"

But having drunk 4 cans of V to wake me up at 9:30am on Oz Day (having slept for two hours) I have come to the conclusion that, yes, 20 cans of Red Bull would send me on a massive crime spree of garangtuan proportions. Look out Fort Knox!!!

Excessive caffeine tends to make me loud and obnoxious (or at least moreso).

This was a point that I yelled out to somebody while I was stopped at the traffic lights in Thornbury.

"HEY YOU!" I yelled at this guy, "I'M PRETTY LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS!"
"YOU SURE ARE!" he yelled back.
"HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY, MATE!" I SHOUTED AT HIM.
"yeah you too" she whispered into my ear, before slowly running her tongue across the lobe.... what the fuck?

Anyway, I drove to Waz Vegas, and went to the abode of one Vegie C. Vegie, whereupon I opened the first beer of the day (A mexican beer called Sol... It had very appealing packaging, which is what I look for when buying a beer)

There was a blow up pool. With a freaking water feature. It was like a wee little fountain.

This little fountain, man! It totally blows apart all your preconceptions about putting electrical stuff in water in which you are sitting.

It's like, WOAH! Maybe we should put a toaster in there too, cos it seems that we've been lied to by our parents - AGAIN! (How could he deliver all those presents in one night?)

Anyway, I elected not to get in... partly because I have hated and reviled the water ever since my great aunt Hilda drowned in an inflatable pool in 1968, and also party because Jelly was making obscene advances towards the water feature.

In the words of Vegie's little sis: Dude, he's raping the water feature!

But anyway anyway... The Hottest 100! Hurrah, it's that time again, when the Hottest 100 is voted on.

Bernard Fanning won. Vegie C. Vegie told me this (I may have fallen asleep at around number 17) and I didn't believe him. I thought to myself... Bernard Fanning? Who? But apparently he's a musician whose music is quite popular with "the kids." Am I getting out of touch? Is my finger no longer on "the pulse."

That's too bad.

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