Avant garde, no?

Hey! Ho!

LET'S GO!

You've probably been wondering what has happened to me since I fucked my leg up dancing like a madman.

----------

Orville S says:
I have a great way to lose weight.
Orville S says:
get nailed to a cross, and see how much you way in 3 days.
Orville S says:
after you've shat your insides out from internal collapse and haemoraging.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
Just like Atkins.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
ZING!

------------

Fucking my leg up was, in hindsight, a big mistake.

It turns out, I need my leg to walk, and it wasn't much fun not being able to walk anywhere.

The actual damage from my little mishap was a dislocated patella. This is the good sort of way to dislocated your knee, cos it's just the kneecap that is knocked out of place.

I don't know how you go about dislocating the actual knee, but that is much rarer and really bad.

In the end, I just fucked up the miniscus a bit (that's the soft tissue in between the bones that stops them rubbing together).

I got some x-rays and did some tests and shit to make sure I hadn't fucked up any tendons or anything, but got the all clear, so hurrah.

Following that, I spent about two weeks getting about on crutches (oh, and people love people on crutches - especially when you're opening a door or something, and you need them to hold your crutch. CHILDISH!) and now I'm just limping a bit, and in about a fortnight, I should be back on the dance floor.

------------------

Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
GO TO FUCKING BED!
Orville S says:
humbug. beds for weak people
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
You HAVE NOT SLEPT YET!
Orville S says:
Join the ranks of the meek you mean to say.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
Bed is not weak.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
A real man sleeps.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
So he may be fresh and alert and ready to face the icy dawn of apocalypse.
Orville S says:
Ok. what if a lion attacks during sleep huh?
Orville S says:
dead as a door nail
Orville S says:
but if one is armed and awake.
Orville S says:
dead lion.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
These two old blokes are having a drink in the pub, yeah.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
And one of them says to the other, "Did you know that lions have sex four times a day?"
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
And the other one says, "Really? Shit, and I've just joined Rotary."
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
Badoom Tish.

-----------------

New Years Eve, 2004 was spent taking drugs and being lectured on gender politics by a half-naked bisexual whose boyfriend/girlfriend was on the other end of a chain.

Cut to New Years Eve 2005. Still spent it hanging out with a bisexual, but we were talking about Fiddler On The Roof and other cool things. Also, I was not in the godawful suburbs of Melbourne, but rather in sunny Lorne at the Falls Festival.

Ah, the Falls Festival. It was, how you say, awesome.

I saw Ugly Duckling. I saw the Hoodoo Gurus. I saw... various other cool musicians, but UD and the HGs were what made it for me.

I also saw a girl in cool suspenders who I fell in love with, but could not pursue due to my leg. It was not to be, sadly. Curse you, FATE!

In addition to all this, I hung out with some of my homies from high school, who had found references to their heaving bosoms and such in some very old posts on this blog, and had various things to say about this and that.

So, to that person, I say this: I'm sorry I made mention of your supple breasts in such a way as to cause you to blush, your cheeks turning the colour of your ruby red lips, the tip of your tongue stuck out seductively for just a moment, and I can no longer contain my passion, I stroke your hair and a burst of static electricity shocks me to my core, I'm lost in your eyes...

Wait, where was I?

Oh, right... so, last week I went to Jelly's house for a wee party.

Ah, beer - sometimes it is good, sometimes it is bad. I bought a six pack of Kilkenny and a six pack of Bintang.

Ah, Kilkenny... according to Veg and SteveSteve, this is truly the beer of champions. Those bastards love this shite.

I can't say I saw the attraction myself.

Now, Bintang on the other hand...

Ah, Bintang. Bir Pilsner, Indonesia's top beer.

As far as beers go, probably ranked down there at the bottom, but I got quite used to this stuff during my OS adventures, and I like it.

Anyway, I had a few drinks and sang some karaoke with the hombres (Sarge and Ben, of the time I got bottled at a party fame) and one thing led to another, and Sarge and Ben were gone and then they were back, only Sarge was wearing a bandana and this weird pink hat with a chain on the top and this fancy ring and he played the guitar at me and Ben, and also at the sleeping SteveSteve, and then he passed out, and then he freaked out and then he got it back together and they produced the greatest radio program of all time and then.......

Jelly, Sarge and Ben went to a local fastfoodery. Sarge is still wearing his pink hat.

These rednecks pull into the carpark. They are real men. Men who are all about the pink and the lady brown and none of this fruity stuff.

One of them comes up to Sarge, gets right in his face, and he points at him, and he says:

Hi, can I buy your hat?

Sarge sells it to him for $20.

The End.

Navigation: First - Previous - Next - Last - Archive - Random