Avant garde, no?

Sleep, as I have said in the past, is for the week.

Real men don't sleep. Do you think Nick Pirandello sleeps? Do you think Bob Wilson sleeps?

HELL NO! They rock and roll all night, and party everyday. And negotiate with aliens.

Anyway, the point is, I like to rock and roll all night, too, and when I return to my hovel at around 4am or so, I don't want to go to bed. I'M NOT TIRED! THIS IS SOOOO UNFAIR!

So, I flick the television on.

To get to the point: Late night television is really GREAT!

And by great, I mean terrible. But by terrible, I mean fantastic.

What I mean to say is, late night commercials are tremendous.

Firstly, sex lines.

Sex line commercials are, as the hip hop happening youth of today would no doubt say, da bomb.

Firstly, they objectify women as sex objects. As an ALP voter (or troskyite, as I've been labelled by the extreme far right) this affords me a guilty pleasure that a Right Wing Goon will never know. See, they can think sex line ads are great, but I can think that they're great while knowing at the same time that they're WRONG, and it's WRONG for me to find them visually appealing, because they OBJECTIFY WOMEN AS SEX OBJECTS, MAAAAAAAN.

This makes them even greater, forbidden fruit style. It's the same principle that makes shoplifted gum blow better bubbles.

Secondly, SMS chat lines.

These things are not DA BOMB. They are absolutely wack.

Consider this MSN conversation...

Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says: So, what's the score with SMS flirt line things?
Orville says: Trust me, they're a waste of time and money
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says: You've tried them?
Orville says: I used to run one. Godd times.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimers says: Godd?
Orville says: I should slit your fucking throat, you cheeky little bastard.
Orville says: I've had it up to fucking here with your fucking attitude.
Orville says: I'm holding a finger up to my throat to indicate how far I've had it up to.
Orville says: You can't see it, but I assure you I'm doing it.
Orville says: So just watch it.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says: Okay.

I'm at a loss as to why somebody would use one of these things... what's the point of flirting with somebody via cold sterile SMSing, particulary when you will absolutely NEVER meet the person on the other side of the satellite?

But thirdly, the BEST THING EVER!

This is also a phone thing... I think ringtones are great. I think the Crazy Frog ringtone is the best thing ever. I love that it's so incredibly annoying and so incredibly popular and that the Jamster people are creating anti-Frog ringtones to capitalise on the consumer backlash.

I also love these mobile download clubs... things that make your phone light up differently, or tell you if you're really in love or whatever.

I mean, there is no bad here. A bunch of people are making a bunch of money off stupid teenagers with too much money.

How the fuck could I be a communist when I love capitalism THIS MUCH?

But I saw the best one last night.

SMS "LORD" to 191 blah blah blah and ACCEPT JESUS INTO YOUR MOBILE!

No shit. It was brilliant, and it was inspired, and that's actually what it said. Accept Jesus into your mobile.


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