Avant garde, no?

It's possible that maybe I perhaps might possibly have some motor troubles.

I was first alerted to this potential problem this morning, when I got into my car and turned the ignition.

The car started. This was the first strange thing that happened, and made me instantly suspicious.

I reversed a little, then I did this kinky little thing I learnt from a Taiwanese hooker to the steering wheel, then I went forward for a bit.

The car remained running.

What the hell was going on here exactly?

My car continued to go forward, so I indicated and turned around a corner, out of my street and into the big, bad world.

The engine purred like the re-animated corpse of a tabby cat.

Burrrrrrrrrrrrrains.

A few more corners were navigated with no fatalaties, and very few casualties, and eventually I got that baby out onto the general freeway area...

The car continued to go forward, although at this point it began to make a horrible screeching noise, which was rather reassuring.

I pulled the motherfucker over and commando-rolled out. Then commando-rolled back in and popped the bonnet. Then I got out normally, cos commando has too many keys in it to keep on typing.

A cursory glance at the engine area told me that the engine was fine. This was because of the big gaping hole beneath the engine where there should have been some sort of... thing. I don't know, I'm not a fucking mechanic. The point is, part of the car's crunchy exterior was hanging off somewhat.

And scraping on the front right tyre and the ground.

This was not, per se, good.

To cut a long story short, my crappy car is now literally held together with sticky tape.

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