You know, I'm not sure infamous West Australian neo-nazi and all-round complete drug fuck Ben Weerhym likes me very much.
This is a terrible shame, because I love him, just as I love all the woodland animals. Every single morning I wake up, and run out of my cottage... "GOOD MORNING, THE WORLD," I cry!
"Good morning, little birds!"
That is what I say to the little birds.
"Tweet tweet. Tweet tweet. Good morning, Dr. Cam!"
That is how the birds reply.
"Good morning, Mr. Tree!"
That is what I say to the big oak tree, under which we woodlands folk often have tea parties and the like.
He doesn't say anything. Trees can't talk, silly!
"Good morning, Benny!"
That is what I say to Ben Weerhym.
"Screw you, ya filthy red. Let's fire up the ovens! Kill us some fucking jews!"
This is what Ben says to me.
He is grumpy in the mornings. In fact, he's grumpy all the time.
Take, for instance, this fascinating email leaked from the National Front Youth MSN Group...
From: aussie_patriot77 (Original Message) Sent: 11/05/2005 11:47 a.m.
Hopefully this message finds you all well.
INfo is needed on a particultarly arrogant, offensive and treacherous
The name of the person is "Cam Sexenheimer".
He runs this blog site: http://cam.bluexo.net/blog
He is extremely obnoxious and is a total lefty wacko that associates with
Matthew "Darp Henderson-Hau.
He was present at Darps last "Gogblogging II" in Sydney but his face in a
pic of him was digitally messed up on the site that was hosting the event
If you or you think you may know someone who may know more about this
character, do not hesitate to contact me, Info like, phone number, address,
PHOTO, comings and goings etc etc.
This message has been sent out to a number of others.
Cheers, Ben! I wish I could help, but you know... we don't really have much use for phones out here in the WOODS! We have the rabbits carry our messages from warren to warren.
But seriously for a second... OH NO! BEN WEERHYM IS MAD AT ME!
I am very a-scared... You see, Ben Weerhym is a vewwy scawy mean howwible man!
Check out his hardcore hate-filled website.
Note: He is the badass with the traffic cone on his noggin.
While it's nice to know that this psycho is thinking of me, it got me to wondering... how does Ben Weerhym spend the other 23 hours of his day?
A Day In The Life Of Ben Weerhym.
Everymorning, Ben wakes up and does his yoga. Penguins greeting the sun. Penguins waddling. Penguins waddling, and greeting the sun.
Then he has his morning chardonnay while he reads The Age Online. A piece of preservative-free organic toast normally accompanies his daily trotskyite conference call, in which he and his socialist friends plot the downfall of the White race.
Wait a minute! That's my day!
Sorry, what were we talking about? Ben Weerhym, right!
A Day In The Life Of Ben Weerhym...
Every morning Ben wakes up crying to the BZZZZZing of his portable radio alarm clock.
"Jack... Jack..." he mumbles as he emerges from his slumber, "Why aren't you coming back, Jack?"
Wiping the tears and sleep from his eyes, he stumbles off some guy's couch, and into some guy's kitchen.
"Hey," some guy says, "Would you like some Coco-Pops?"
Ben can only splutter! He slams the guy against the cupboard door.
"Would I like some fucking coco-pops? You'd like that, wouldn't you, you filthy ZOG scum! Mixing my precious white milk up with your filthy mud-race cereal? WOULD YOU LIKE THAT? HUH? Now have you got any Special K?"
"Um.. a bit, but the box is almost empty."
"No... no... Special 'K.' Eh? Eh? Follow?"
"We have some rice bubbles, I guess?"
Breakfast is usually followed by an hour of quiet reflection by the ANM shrine. Ben prays for Jack's soul, and hopes that prison won't have changed him TOO much... after all his bluster about the Homosexual Mafiosi who secretly run the country, it'd be a terrible shame if he had to offer his puckered anus up to Van Tongeren every night.
A quick jog, then racquetball over at the country club until 2.
The afternoon is usually taken up by such things as "opposing the reds."
This involves lots of commando rolling! After all that commando rolling, Ben barely has the energy to go for a nice long mountain bike ride.
What a day you've had, Ben! Time for a glass of shandy by the fire, and then it's time for bed.
But don't worry, Ben... I'm sure you'll have another EQUALLY PRODUCTIVE DAY tomorrow!