Oh, did I mention I was going to be on the radio last night?
Well, I was. And I did.
It was going to be a fine night of radio, DJ Luke and I would assault the airwaves with our unseemly presence, there would be the playings of the punk, the playings of the metal... I would redundantly air guitar. It would be fine.
I sat down in my little chair.
I put on my little headphones.
I adjusted my little mike.
I strapped on my seatbelt... The introductory promo came on, letting us know that the following was to come:
Stupid Film Reviews.
Stupid Special Guests.
WHAT TIME IS IT ON? I NEED TO HEAR!!! 9-1030 Mondays... SUNDAY MONDAY HAPPPY DAAAAYS!
Hey, I can take it... I AM a stupid special guest.
Then Luke did his ridiculously long "Hi, I'm DJ Luke" introduction.
Then it was time to introduce me... but... something was off.
Instead of, "And here's..."
And then me saying my name.
He said, "And we're unfortunate enough to have with us tonight -"
At that point I cut him off.
"Excuse me? Unfortunate?"
You see, last week they'd had Jason on.
And next week they were going to have Jason on again.
You see, it seems that Jason is popular with the listeners... BECAUSE HE PANDERS TO THEIR WHIMS!
JASON IS EVERYBODY'S LITTLE GOLDEN-RADIO-BOY, COS HE IS AFRAID TO TELL IT LIKE IT IS.
Not like me.
I bet Jason wouldn't alert the listeners to the fact that Luke had drawn love hearts all over the photo of Angus Houston.
I bet Jason wouldn't alert the listeners to the fact that Tony Blair looks like a goof in the Business section.
I bet Jason wouldn't give the listeners fashion tips (Plaid is the new black, darlings!).
I bet Jason would cuss, and blaspheme, and generally create an auditory nuisance of himself.
I bet Jason is a TROSKYITE! Well, there'll be no permanent revolution for you, Jason, you commie rat! GET READY TO FIND OUT WHAT COMMUNITY RADIO IS ALL ABOUT!
I'm throwing down.