Avant garde, no?

My friday was going pretty well. In fact, it was going really well.

It all started... FAST FORWARD.

So, Jelly and I were standing in Horizon in Warragul - we were buying some more No-Doz.

Servo Guy: If you want to be zipping, you should take those with Sprite Power (or whatever the Sprite version of V is called). It'll keep you going for about eight hours.
Me and Jelly: Hell, you're the boss, Servo Guy!

Of course, we'd already both had two No-Doz pills each... now we were fucking ZIPPING MADSTYLEZ!

In other news, I've obtained a guitar AND a plectrum (yesterday) and am
presently attempting to combine the two in some sort of fantastical fashion.

In other other news, I had to get a new windscreen. Some punk kid went
through my old one.

Well, bye,

Cam.

.... HAHAHAHAHA! I'm just kidding, I wouldn't leave you hanging like that.

Now, when I say "punk kid" I don't mean like, GOD SAVE THE QUEEN lalalalala
punk. I mean, I never crossed a man that didn't deserve it, you get treated
like a punk - YOU KNOW THAT'S UNHEARD OF! You better watch how you're
talking, and where you're walking, or you and your homies will be lined in
chalk. Well, I really wanna trip, but I gotta loc. Something something in
the pistol smoke. I'm the kinda guy little homies wanna be like, on my knees
in the night, saying prayers to the streetlight...

Okay, I got carried away with my Coolio rhymebombs... the point is, I mean
ratbags. Not hip cats.

So, Friday was shaping up to be pretty, how do I put this politely, VERY
AWESOME.

It really started on Thursday at around noonish when my boss gave me all my
work for the rest of Thursday and all of Friday.

He said to me, "Hey bro, if you finish all this by about lunchtime tomorrow,
you can come help out on this shoot."

I said, "True, Cuz."

Anyway, the work: TWO FIFTEEN SECOND COMMERCIALS. That's a one hour edit for
each.... but I gave em two each, cos I worked a little slower.

Anyway, I went and did the shoot on Friday afternoon, and it was cool, cos I
heart shoots, but it wasn't as cool as that shoot we did in a huge freezer
full of meat one time which was too "cool" if you catch the drift of my
punning.

Anyway! That was fun.

Then I hung out with Jelly for a bit and he gave me his old guitar, and THAT
WAS FUN!

And then I went to a work do at the Italian Australian Club and watched a
DIVISIVE "COMEDY" BASED ON RACIAL STEREOTYPES. It was called "Who Let The
Wogs Out" and it was HI-Larious.

I mean, the first fifteen minutes were entirely in Spanish... how can you
not love that? Spanish is awesome!

Things were looking up!

Then I went and visited Jam Master Jelly. But we just call him Jelly.

Anyway, he was like, "Let's go to Warragul, and escape the puddlebrains of
the Gon."

That's short for Traralgon, which is where we were located at the time.

Sure! Why not!

We drank some energy drinks, and proceeded to make our own fun - LET ME
REPEAT THAT IN CAPITAL LETTERS WITH SOME EXTRA WORDS THAT I DIDN'T SAY
BEFORE:

ON A FRIDAY NIGHT, IN A SMALL RURAL TOWN IN WHICH THERE IS NOTHING TO DO,
WITHOUT THE ASSISTANCE OF DRUGS OR ALCOHOL, WE ENJOYED OURSELVES.

Okay, so technically the large quantity of energy drink and No-Doz could probably count
as a drug in this case. We went to Civic Park and swung on the swings.

We drove around and talked a bit.

We went to the skate park and sat on the "lip" of a "bowl" and played the
guitar and hung out...

Okay, so technically we didn't do that last bit, cos when I parked at the
skate park... some PUNK (meaning ratbags) KIDS CAME OUT OF THE SHADOWS AND
BEGAN TO HASSLE US.

Unlike us, they had consumed alcoholic beverages in an attempt to alleviate
small town boredom.

Unfortunately, they also felt that ENTIRELY HETEROSEXUAL URGE TO WRASSLE
WITH OTHER MEN! God forbid anyone think they were pansies.

Luckily, unlike, say... that other time when we gave some guys a ride to Darnum and Steve copped a few good knocks to the old head, or say that other time that I don't recall mentioning when some drunken hick knocked my two front teeth out at a party, Jelly and I didn't sustain any physical damage.

It went down like this.

Puddleheads: Hey, what's going on?
Us: We're just standing innocently by our unlocked car before we go and sit
on the "lip" of a "bowl" and "hang out" in peace.
Puddleheads: Sure sure, we'll just OPEN YOUR DOORS AND RIFLE THROUGH YOUR
STUFF.
Us: Stop that.
Puddleheads: Hey, you locked your car doors!
Puddleheads: Various hassling.
Us: Okay, we're going.
Us: How will we unlock the car and get in without any of them getting in...
okay, let's make this quick.

One of the puddleheads got in, but Jelly ordered him out.

Us: Okay, reversing now.
Puddleheads: Okay, one of us is going to climb up the back of your car, Cam.
Us: Okay, we'll go forwards then.
Puddleheads: Okay, one of us is going to jump up onto the bonnet of your
car, and smash into the windscreen.
Windscreen: SHATTER!

THEN THEY STOLE ALL THREE OF MY HUBCAPS AND RAN INTO THE NIGHT!

I did the police thing (whom I've been too harsh on in the past) and then I
got a new windscreen today, but the point is!

THIS INCIDENT WAS DIRECTLY CAUSED BY THE WORK PARTY THAT I
ATTENDED!

Proof:

It's a couple of months ago... My boss gives me the rest of my work for
Thursday and Friday and THEN ON FRIDAY I ATTEND A WORK FUNCTION, BUT JUST
PRIOR TO ATTENDING THAT WORK FUNCTION, MY CAPITAL LETTERS ARE MANY, I
mean... just prior to attending that function, My gearbox blows up or
something... I can't quite remember what the trouble was.

Solid proof.

You'll probably see this reprinted in Scientific American or New Scientist
in the coming weeks.

Yours,

Dr. Cam

Also, another coincidence:

Whenever I get attacked by punk kids, I give up drugs the next day.

I fucking mean it this time too.

----------------------------------

Update: As can be kind of read in later entries, shortly after this incident (about a week) the police caught up with the perps... The one who went through the windscreen was arrested, and intends to plead guilty. He'll be going into a program for dealing with alcohol programs, paying me back, and apologising.

Apparently he's just a nice kid who can't take his hooch.

Navigation: First - Previous - Next - Last - Archive - Random