Avant garde, no?

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"So, what... you're just going to drive down to Melbourne... at 1am in the morning... on a whim?" - Tim.

No, Tim, you little fucker, we're going to drive to Sydney on a whim!

SteveSteve and I (and Steve's little bro and friend Timothy) went to see Constantine on Saturday night (Verdict: Explosions!) and when we emerged, bleary-eyed from the cinema, FAST FORWARD.

So, I'm on the phone to Vegie, who is in Melbourne, and he suggests that we come down and visit... he'd come down and visit us, but he was wasted.

WHY NOT?

Tim is incredulous. He says the quote that I have quoted him as saying above.

In the face of this incredulity, SteveSteve and I merely laugh. Piffle, we say, though we don't actually say that.

What is a mere trip to Melbourne to maniacs such as we?

Then it occurred to us... What is a mere trip to Melbourne? It's pretty fucking mere!

We had no choice... we had to go to Sydney, via Melbourne, to watch Tropfest.

This was a task that would be difficult to pull off... in fact, this was a task that would be impossible to pull off... but we would fail it as MEN, rather than succeed at a lesser task as mere boys. Mere mere mere mere mere.

This was the sort of brilliant logic that we employed to justify driving to Melbourne in the middle of the night... Do you think perhaps that illicit narcotics might have been involved in this decision?

FAST FORWARD TO TROPFEST IN MELBOURNE... LATER THAT DAY!

Tropfest was cool. Vegie had university-type things to be getting up to, but SteveSteve came along...

One year there was this kind of annoying guy sitting next to me and Vegie, and when there was this one shot that looked vaguely like it might be possibly referencing a classic Tarantino in-the-boot-looking-out shot, he said to one of his fine bitches, "Pulp Fiction shot" like he was some sort of film student.

I, a cinematographer of some weeks at the time, merely laughed. THERE'S THAT WORD AGAIN!

But this year was different:

There was this group of people sitting (in the dirt) next to us, and one of them seemed oddly familiar...

Gay. Check.
Bald. Check.
PERFECT TEETH. Check.

Oh my god! It's Academy Award Winner Adam Elliot!

I was like: "OH HELLO ADAM! HOW ARE YOU? ARE YOU HAVING A GOOD TIME? CAN I GET YOU A SPIKED DRINK!"

I'm not gay, but I'm willing to learn for Adam Elliot.

No, I wasn't really like that, cos I didn't come to my identity conclusion until he got up to go to the VIP tent. And also cos I'm super cool and unphased by academy award winners. Right.

Anyway, all the films were reasonably RIGHTEOUS, and this is how I rated them:

16. The Razor's Edge
15. Money
14. Rattus Pistoficus
13. Too Sunny, Too Cold
12. Fingerprints
11. Benny, Unseen Hero
10. Coma
9. Chiuso
8. This Film Is Yet To Be Classified
7. Garbage Man
6. A Family Legacy
5. Too Far
4. Bomb
3. Lucky
2. Australian Summer
1. In Your Dreams

If you didn't get a copy of today's Age or Syd Morn Hera, sucks to be you!

Remember: Radio tonight.

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