Cam: I came here to kick some ass and chew some bubblegum. And I'm all out of gum.
Vegie: Actually, we've still got heaps of gum left. Look.
Cam: ... Shut up.
The thing is... life in the country. You are not presented with a lot of options, besides the myriad legal and illegal ways to warp your mind.
You get high, you have some fun, you pass out, you go out and get high again... I mean... at some point you have to stop and think... this is all getting a bit repetitive... I wonder what's going on over in Reality?
So, a sober evening for Vegie and I.
Before I departed for Vegie's place, though, I formed a hypothesis that Vegie and I, being scientists, could prove or disprove.
A fantastic hypothesis. A brilliant hypothesis. A hypothesis unrivalled by other hypotheses.
Hypothesis: That V cans conduct heat better than other fizzy drink cans.
I got to Vegie's.
Vegie: What are we going to do?
Cam: Eh, I don't know.
I guess it just slipped my mind.
We angsted over our decisive lack of things to do for a bit.. before I finally convinced Vegie that another Safeway anti-stealing sign hi-jink was in order. Pictures as soon as we take them.
Having done that, we returned to Vegies, again forlorn... BUT THEN!
Ring ring! Ring ring! We've got an American Jesus!
It's my telephone!
See him on the interstate.
I answer it. It's Heidi.
"Sup bitch?" I probably said.
"Hey," she replied, lustfully, "We're at Civic Park... Come on down."
Okay, so maybe not that much lust.
"Sure thing," I said, "We'll be there in 5 to 7 minutes."
This started a running theme for the evening of 5 and 7. Significant numbers somehow.
Okay, so they only came up again once. When we got to the park, and found our drunken friends, with I Heart Beer caps, wondering whether they should go to the pub - which in FIVE minutes, would cost SEVEN dollars to get in.
We declined to join them, an anti-social act which meant we were again forlorn and directionless.
Vegie: Why don't we go buy some gum!
Cam: Yes, let's give the purchase of gum a lot more significance than gum-purchase is due!
Vegie: Yes. Let's.
Cam: Okay, man, I'm prepared to do this... but are you willing to give this your all? I'm talking a lot more significance.
Vegie: I'm ready, man. I was born ready.
Cam: Okay, let's do this.
Anyway, we bought a LOT of gum, and we chewed gum and shot at stuff and sped on the freeway and all sorts of crazy masculine hijinx.
On the freeway, coming towards Warragul from Melbourne.
First exit... sign says, "Warragul. Performing Arts Centre. Tafe."
Vegie: Are we going to get off here?
Manly Cam: No! We'll get off at a real man's exit. The Tafe? Pah!
Effeminate Cam: Yes, let's get off here, and go and learn to cook and write poetry and other faggy endeavours!
Manly Cam: Never! We'll get off at the last exit, where there are farms and the women are women and the men are men and never the twain shall meet!
Effeminate Cam: But we could do a professional writing course or something!
Manly Cam: Or we could learn to make pesto!
Cam: Shit, I got the voices mixed up.
And so on... The End.
In less important wireless news, I too will be befouling the airwaves in the near future. Valley and surrounding area types, tune into 104.7 FM on the 24th of January from around 9 to 1030 to hear me blaspheme and basically hold the whole show together while my co-host makes out with his girlfriend again. That fucker.