Avant garde, no?

As promised, HFC lyrics.

BUT! Before I bust these funky rhymes upon all yo' sorry asses, be sure you are sitting down. Place all liquids in a safe place, where they will not be knocked over by your wild flailing.

You are about to feel the POWER OF THE LORD. The Holy Spirit is going to pop a MOTHERFUCKING CAP ON YOU, FUCKER!

We Want Jesus by HFC.

H.F.C. is M.C. Red, Bizzy V and Able A.

Bring it:

I was sittin' at home coolin' in my lounge room/Listening to the Fresh Prince go Tic..tic.. BOOM!/When some funky dope lyrics started rushin' to my head/I turned off the stereo and started writin' instead/I put my pen to the pad and began to flow/The words just broke out (HOW?) I don't know/I wrote line by line, just like makin' a list/(YO HOW DID IT GO?) It went somethin' like this-

M.C. Red in the house with a message that's true/And I know you'll understand by the time I'm through/There's only one real thing that I want in my life/The real thing's not Coke, no it's Jesus Christ...

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And it goes on like this. I'd write more, but it's a long song, and the lyrics are really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really small on this pissy little lyrics sheet.

I've tried to google the band, but they just don't want to be found... I'd assumed they were American, but I think they're probably Australian, seeing as how the drum programmer is some admin dude from the Assemblies of God church down in Melbourne and one of their background vocalists has been in a bunch of Australian stuff... The guitarist is a yank, though... Fascinating stuff, no?

No.

--------

I finished work at around 6ish (Having started at 7ish) and made my way around to Jelly's... he wasn't in. He'd gone down to Melbourne for some 21st.

He had abandoned me.

This would become the theme for the evening.

I went home, and had some 2 minute noodles, and considered going 'round to Steve's, just like making a list, yo how did it go, it went something like this... What the fuck?

Motherfucker, it's stuck in my head.

Okay.

But then I remembered that SteveSteve isn't in Warragul at yonder moment, he's off molesting 14 year olds at some camp in his capacity as first aid dude.

He was supposed to be back this weekend, but he's staying another week... this left the only other person that I know, Vegie.

I went 'round to Vegie's place, just like making a list, but when I got there, he was nowhere to be seen. His car was gone... his mobile just rung out... vanished.

Fuckers. Backstabbing bastards.

Who else do I know?

Luke? Cassie?

I tried ringing them, but Luke's phone just went to message bank, and Cassie's phone said that her number had been disconnected.

Who else do I know?

I called Heidi, explaining to her that she was my last resort... she was suitably offended.

In desperation, I actually went over to Luke's place, where he and Cassie were watching Dorm Daze, which is a fucking stupid movie, and I had to excuse myself after a short while.

"I'm just too intellectual, I guess," I explained, retching...

I called up Daniel Moore, who once won some olives in a dream I had but he was at the FUCKING CRICKET. The nerve.

I was running seriously low on friends, but then I remembered that Jess X, one of my peepz at ASIO (haha! No, really.), was back in town for a couple of weeks, so I called her.

She was at her house with Rachel, and they would be going to the pub later, why don't they message me when they're going?

I don't know what I was thinking, but I agreed.

Then I had some time to kill, so I went back and watched the end of Dorm Daze. Again, I found it to be stupid... I chatted with Luke and C-Money for a while, about the band, and the whereabouts of Mitch (he's in Amerika, apparently, where they won't let him drink) then I had some business to attend to, and then I figured, what the fuck... why don't I just go up to Jess' place?

So, I went up there, and I rung the bell, and Rachel answered the door.

I was about to say, "Uh... can Jess and Rachel come out and play" when...

RACHEL JUMPED BACK, SCREAMING, "HOLY FUCKING JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!"

Now, those of you who have met in the dark can probably lend some credence to the idea that I cut a reasonably intimidating figure... still, this seemed to be something of an over-reaction.

"Can I come in?" I asked Jess. I came in, and Rachel was still panting from her attack of the terrors. I looked across at the screen of the television and saw the reason... they were watching The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The new one, not the old one.

Holy snapping duckshit, it scared the bejeezus out of Rach... I was all manly and aloof though, like, whatever.

Okay, so I was clutching a pillow to my chest as well. What a fag.

I hung out with them for a while, then I drove them down to the pub, went home, put on Bedtime For Democracy and had a big mug of vodka and went to bed, whereupon I had a reaasonably fucked up dream that stayed with me for about an hour after I woke up, but I can barely recall at this point in time.

----

Later.

Just chatted to Mitch on MSN...

Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
How're the yanks treating you?
Mitchy: Who will help me bake this bread? says:
Reasonably well, contrary to popular belief the people here are nothing like their government. (I tick it up to non voters)
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
Well, that's good.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
I heard that they wouldn't let you drink, so you'd taken to molesting russian hookers and injecting heroin into your eyeballs.
Mitchy: Who will help me bake this bread? says:
Don't forget the ritual sodomising.
Mitchy: Who will help me bake this bread? says:
Actually I spent new years sober, so the next night I walked into a liquor store and left with a litre of vodka
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
A fugitive!
Mitchy: Who will help me bake this bread? says:
I paid for it!
Mitchy: Who will help me bake this bread? says:
($11.00 USD)
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
But was it vodka of sufficient quality for your fine palate?
Mitchy: Who will help me bake this bread? says:
It was Smirnoff, so no.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
I'd be careful who you say that to... some people could interpret those as being "fighting words."
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
The russians are very popular in the states, you know
Mitchy: Who will help me bake this bread? says:
I'm working with three Slovakians, man those guys love to drink!
Mitchy: Who will help me bake this bread? says:
As do I
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
No denying that.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
But, Mitch.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
The question on everybody's lips back here in ye old mother country is...
Mitchy: Who will help me bake this bread? says:
???
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
Why are you in Amerika exactly?
Mitchy: Who will help me bake this bread? says:
Because I had a chance to go to Aspen, quit drugs, and work/ski for 4 months, who wouldn't? I sell stationary to millionares.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
Pens, pads, calculators...
Mitchy: Who will help me bake this bread? says:
Yup
Mitchy: Who will help me bake this bread? says:
www.sandysofficesupply.com
Mitchy: Who will help me bake this bread? says:
www.aspensnowmass.com
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
How the hell did you get that sweet gig?
Mitchy: Who will help me bake this bread? says:
applied for a visa, got that. applied for a job, left a week later
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
As easy as one two three.
Mitchy: Who will help me bake this bread? says:
for sure
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
Met Hunter S. Thompson yet?
Mitchy: Who will help me bake this bread? says:
No, but Antonio Banderez is in town.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
You and Antonio could try a frontal assault on his fortified compound, I suppose.
Mitchy: Who will help me bake this bread? says:
We already did... he wasn't home.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
Oh, well, a man can dream, can't he.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
Can't he?
Mitchy: Who will help me bake this bread? says:
oh for sure
Mitchy: I was once just like you, born without a fucking clue... says:
I've decided that the States are cool (except GWB) i need to find an american woman to wed so I can get a green card.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
Hey, Mitch...
Mitchy: I was once just like you, born without a fucking clue... says:
yo
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
When exactly did you switch to the side of truth and light?
Mitchy: I was once just like you, born without a fucking clue... says:
my moment of clarity came when I overcame narcotic withdrawel symptoms
Mitchy: I was once just like you, born without a fucking clue... says:
Well Dr. Cam, i must cruise, I have a date with American liquor, it is friday night over here.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
Good luck, my man.
Mitchy: I was once just like you, born without a fucking clue... says:
peace out
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
see you on the flip side.

--------

Lovely.

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