Avant garde, no?

Before you read this entry, I ask that you listen to the song, "Let's Drink A Beer" by Frenzal Rhomb. It's on the "A Man Is Not A Camel" album. You could download it from the internet, but that would be wrong.

Idealogical differences:

Leigh says:
oh noes.
Leigh says:
whyeee?
Leigh says:
oh, no, false alarm
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
the.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
fuck.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
?
Leigh says:
Was considering the only alcohol around is wine
Leigh says:
then I remembered hey, we have liquor.
Leigh says:
just not ready mixed for my convenience.
Leigh says:
not that I'm really intending to drink, but you know, the stores are closed tomorrow
Leigh says:
what if there was an alcohol emergency, huh?
Leigh says:
explanation: I hate wine
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
You hate the vino?
Leigh says:
yes
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
Even cask wine, which is cheap.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
Leigh.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
It is CHEAP.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
In a cask.
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
In a box.
Leigh says:
actually, bottles are cheaper
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
Isn't that just the most awesome thing?
Leigh says:
anyway, yes, I dislike all wine.
Leigh says:
unless someone wants to offer me Crystal or some shit and it actually tastes good
Leigh says:
I'm going to assume that it tastes like wine

Great Day:

Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
GUESS WHAT!
Leigh says:
what?!
Dr. Cam Sexenheimer says:
I had the best fucking day in the entire universe of days that have ever been had.
Leigh says:
that sounds like a pretty good day.
Leigh says:
do elaborate

And verily, he did so....

It all started at 6am when I woke up. I wisely decided to reset my alarm for 6.45. When I actually woke up at 6.45, I felt great.

I felt fucking fantastic.

I felt well rested. Fantastic.

I got up and had a shower (and I didn't even masturbate!) and then put on my awesome red office shirt... AND THEN... I had... COCO FUCKING POPS for breakfast. It was awesome.

Things were looking up. Way up.

I went out to my car, and turned the ignition on. It started up fine. It purred like a cat that's just been given a good seeing to by the tabby next door, if you know what I mean, and I think that you do.

I turned on my CD player... The sweet sounds of Frenzal Rhomb graced my ears with their presence.... Things were looking UP! Way UP.

I got to driving on the freeway.

There I am, blasting along the freeway, breaking all sorts of laws inre: speeding.

Okay, so it was just the one law: Don't speed.

And I was barely speeding at all. I just sped a couple of times.

One time was because I got overtaken by a car when I was stuck behind a truck, and one of the chicks in the car was really hot, so I had to catch up with them to check it out.

I know, I'm totally fucked up.

And the other times I was just like, "I reckon I could possibly go faster without negative consequences right now..." and I was right.

And then came... THE CHOICE.

Picture this.

I'm in the right lane.

There is a car in the left lane. Just in front of me.

I am going at One Hundered And Ten Kilometers Per Hour.

That is The Speed Limit.

This car to my left is going at One Hundered And Eight Kilometers Per Hour.

Spelling error noted and then replicated for poor comic effect.

There are many cars going at more than One Hundered And Ten Kilometeres Per Hour behind me.

Soon there will be a moving roadblock.

That sort of thing always pisses me off. I'm like, "Fuck, if you can't drive fast, stay in the fucking left lane, you fuckers."

Anyway, I had a CHOICE.

I could speed up to over The Speed Limit, and get past this guy. Or I could slow down.

You have five seconds to decide. Snap decision. Go.

What the hell, I thought... I'll slow down. Why not? It's a beautiful day... I'm way early for work... what difference does it make... I'm feeling awesome.

I slowed down, I went behind him.

Let's Have A Beer was building up to it's climax...

And five seconds later, I drove past a cop, speed-cameraing.

Holy Fucking Jesus Fucking Christ! How good was that?

I gave the cop a big thumbs-up and played drums on my steering wheel like a fucking madman.

I'd just avoided a big fine and double holiday demerit points. Things were looking up. WAY UP!

I got to Traralgon, and parked in le car park... As I walked to the door, I put my hands in the pockets of my leather jacket.

In the left pocket... was a spinning top from a christmas cracker from the other day.

SCORE.

THINGS WERE LOOKING PRETTY FUCKING WAY UP!

And then the rest of the day just rocked. You're going to have to work hard to beat that, Christmas.

And Christmas Day is my fucking birthday, so that's saying something.

Postscript: As it turned out, Christmas Day did rock more than Christmas Eve, setting the scene for a week of unbridled goodness that climaxed in the unbridled excellence of New Year's Eve, which you will be able to read IN VERY SHORT ORDER. Very short.

Navigation: First - Previous - Next - Last - Archive - Random